my scarlet letter..

It's the last day of the decade...weee....! 10 years ago, i was just an eight year old child...time flies without mercy. It's really pointless to set any new year resolutions - for me. It's not likely that I'm ever gonna live up to it. But still, life needs goals to charge us with motivations. I will just let what happened remain merely as a memory.

Next year i will be sitting for STPM and study will be topping my list. And if there's anything i need in my studies, it will be Mr. Motivation and Miss Focus. They left me once my last paper during this year's final exam ended! On a long-term vacation i guess...Yes ! I need them very much and hoping that they will end their vacation once school starts with some "souvenirs" !

I don't really think there's anything to hope for for my physical health. Perhaps, my mental health or a.k.a emotional health? I need to gain better control over my mood swings. And next year, aside from emotional breakdowns, there will be stress too ! By now, i guess i have to admit that i'm worst at controlling my emotions and my temper. In fact, they gain full control over me..This is really hilarious, i have to cope with stresses and my own erratic emotions ! Sucks!

Over the year, my friends and i are sort of drifting apart in some ways. I know it's unavoidable, but i figured, i need to spend more time with them instead of just sitting in my own class. Because, my friends are a bunch of mates in this world that accept and like me for who i am. I don't care if they're staying forever or leaving one day, i want to appreciate any single soul that turns up in my life. And...woots...guess what? A BOYFRIEND is in my list this year..ow...c'mon...i don't need one..haha...i want one..! There are times where i want someone i can rely on aside from my best friend and my sister..Someone rank specially in my heart...Awwww.............LOL....Well, just another mission impossible !

Enough of my crappings i guess...lets see my wishlist (and yes, i will keep a list, stay around to watch me fail..=P)

Mission Possible

Mr. Motivation & Miss Focus

Better emotional control

Stay close with my friends

Keep a close in touch with mummy

Get a grip on my self-esteem >.<"

Drive ! Drive ! Drive !

A new purse

Mission Impossible

a boyfriend...weee !

end my stpm gloriously

get a small car ! =D

Interested candidates should submit your resumes a.s.a.p. OTL..haha !

So...this year is indeed drifting to an end. I can't possibly express all my feelings in simple terms or if i try, i guess i will have to pay you guys an lcd screen or a new laptop..=P

Anyways, in case if you're still reading and reach this line..(that's a miracle..=D)

I want to say that, life is really too short for you to say no and in anyways- holding back your truest feelings.

See.

Don't you feel like it was just yesterday when you completed your SPM or STPM ? Or even your convocation? Things are never too late as long as you're still breathing, true enough. But the cruelty of this fact is, you never know when you will have to stop breathing. You never know when your time is up !

Here, as the last post of this year, a deepest bow and sincerest thank you to all my family and friends! Including you who happen to be reading this post too !

I know that sometimes i'm plainly the pain in the ass, but despite that, i'm accepted to this world as who i am.

Life is creation of God and Love is a gift of God.

It's just Mich. No other..=)

Mich.

Footnote: Weeee, gonna attend another party at another friend's house ! It sounds promising enough ! Pray hard that it all goes on well ! *shouting* HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THE WORLD OUT THERE !!!!!!

Have a blessed year ahead and a brand new chapter of life !!!

CHEERS !

#i have no rights in all pictures in this post. all taken from GOOGLE

unforgivable moment

#photo taken by: Fene Ng

There is a knock on the door

No one.

There is this grasp at the heart

No beat.

Stranded in this isolated world of my own,

I can't seem to find my way out..

Struggling is futile,

Escaping is pointless.

The cheering crowd that increase as time ticks by

is deceiving me

If i give in to the illusions you create

It's because i am trapped within my own lies.

There is a silhouette under the moonlight

Nothing much.

There is this sweetness in the air

Nothing else.

Your string of thoughts are ocean-deep

I can't seem to find my way in.

There are questions to be answered and

To be left unasked.

The crowd will have to dismiss themselves;

Though the show never even started.

If the curtains are to fall apart...

The world will see that my illusions and your lies

Will leave my heart wounded.

Footnote:

i don't know what led to this ... i mean know what inspired (OTL) this, but i dunno what led to this emo..Oh well..forget bout' it.

Anyway....this post...seems rubbish-ish (OTL) to me....>.<

IDK

plainly trying to express my feelings at this moment. Sigh.

Original time of this blog draft: 26 Dec 10 11.12 p.m.

Mich

p/s: a comment will do to cheer me up =P

the last note..

The last note..

No, it's not another suicidal case here, so don't spread it like a fire ! 2010 is reaching it's end like a song drifting to it's last note. This is what i mean.=) Merry Christmas peeps !! weeeeeee...

of delayed post, devours and missings...

Hey peeps! LOL..another rambling post of mine..sigh!  It's 21 December already. 4 more sleeps and it's Christmas!!! Weee...well, i suppose it will be another Christmas with my parents..OTL. But i had an early celebration at my sister's church which was really fun..haha..! Knowing the fact that she actually feels belong there, it warms me up..=)

 Last Wednesday..i went out with my "baby"! i know i know, it's long ago and i actually delayed until now only cram everything in one post..SORRY! 

100 Facts About Guys

Some Random Fun Facts About Guys

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.
2. Guys love flirts.
3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

how bout' a round of applause?

Hi ya! LOL..it's been a long time since i blog about bits of ramblings of my life..Hee, so if you're not interested with me--My life laa.. ! You know better than to continue reading..=)

Okay...so CHRISTMAS's near!! Haha..i got affected by the decorations at Times Square. tee hee. But that place is forever crowded..ish.

haha.. cam-whored while picking up Fene..=D 

Tee...i tied half of my hair up and left the other half down..

That's the way

it’s time to realize that

human tend to fall in love with devils

they trace you, found you

and lure you into a world full of illusions they created

until you stumble upon the concrete wall that braces their heart

that’s when you realize they’re never yours

but it’s too late

cause your soul is already theirs

Mich

From tumblr.

Lend Me Your Hand - Pay it Forward

if you're kind enough,lend me a few minutes, finish this post...=)

Before i begin, let this video do the talking...

[Source: youtube]

So, this is basically what i'm gonna share with you today, Pay it Forward (PIF). Since we were kids

that girl

it's dark outside...

piercing silence creeping near through

the chilly air that embrace me without mercy.

standing in front of the mirror,

i saw her.

the girl that reflects my soul

the girl that hides herself within my reflection

cowering from her unstable emotions,

unable to deceive resentments that are too vivid.

that girl who lives within my reflection

struggling against her erratic emotions,

pathetically controls all untamed desires;

slipping deep into her conscience,

she search for courage to summon

the brittle self-esteem that hardly ever existed.

slowly, it dawns upon me that

the dampness on her face

are tears sliding down my cheeks 

the girl that reflects on my mirror.

inspired by: emo

playing yiruma's in the yellow room album

exact time: 5 december 10 11.08p.m.

the frequent update of my blog briefly indicates that i haven't been studying...argh..! how could that be possible? LOL. 

i have to kill one essay tonight! =D

Mich

i am not giving up on my love!

No! i can't survive without you. i can't live without you! Okay, this sounds dumb enough to be the opening of my post. LOL. But, well, it's true! I bumped into such headlines a few mornings ago...

of scattered bits of memories and our pain

if my apology for my absence and my ignorance when it happened

could in anyway diminishes the pain that awaits you,

that would be the best gift from God

and if my endless prayers could in anyway

 grant you invulnerability 

for what you have to go through,

that would be mercy shown by God 

if my courage could rip that shuddering fear 

from your tough yet fragile frame,

that would be Zeus granting me his power

bracing every possibilities that are coming in your way

there's no way for you to be alone,

despite the courage you tried to show

as we walk hands in hands,

praying hearts by hearts,

that's when everything will be okay..

because we love you, 

and you know that's the reason you stay here

to watch how your love is growing

within and between the three of us

the endless love

stay with her and stay with us.

love my mama..

Mich. 

upon my death...

feeling the last sign of life slipping away

through my fingertips 

the warmth of my body seeping out

leaving me behind

i could no longer breath

my fragile heart refuse to beat 

knowing the fact that i could no longer reach out to you

struggling fruitlessly to hold on 

hovering to love more

but upon my death something else arises 

as my death brings the two of you together

when the love for me draws you in the same direction

and my love for you seals your hearts as one

that is when i will live on forever

through the love my death created

the eternity of my love

lives on after the last beat of my heart

Some product of my emo-ness...LOL
Listening to Yiruma's: Love hurts.
Disclaimer: the pic is not mine! i randomly googled and found this...

Mich

of spinning mind and random crapping

Well, no photos in this post. Survive this..LOL. I don't really know what to...

Random Reviews: Temporary tattoos

I went to Sungei Wang with my family yesterday and found this temporary tattoo shop! I am not sure if the shop has a name but it's something like Body Arts I guess!

So, if you're thinking about having a real tattoo..

Craziest crazies...xD

This must be the craziest week i ever had in my life...xD Well...it feels great...haha. So, today's the last day of school. Last day of my lower six life... You know how i ended it? Haha, went to sushi king with Nan, San, Kok siong and my senior, Mikha. We cracked loads of jokes there and we were laughing like crazy! Anyhow, i enjoyed. Even if it rained. I loved it.

Weee...I'm having nan at my house for a stay-over! LOL...i'm glad to have her with me. My dearest friend in my whole life is now lying on my bed sleeping like a pig..

Random Review: Yummy Dim Sum!

My parents brought me to have breakfast this morning. It was a pretty decent place and cool too!It's HAN LIN DIM SUM*YONG TOU FU So I decided to share it with you guys!...

1111- single day!

Weee...it's 1111-single day! Lol..i didn't know until i saw a post in facebook a few minutes ago..xD! Well, it feels great to be single! haha...look what God gave us this morning for being single...^^

okay, i know it doesn't even look like it's morning but it's MORNING!

Book Review: The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold

I've just finished reading this book and decided to review it. Well, this is the very first "formal" review I ever made. So...mistakes are inevitable.

-About the author-

Alice Sebold was born in Madison Winconsin and grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia and

of listening and photos..=)

One usually claims that he or she is a good listener. But recently, through my MUET 3, I found out that being a good listener is indeed a tricky task. By this point, I guess you must be questioning why MUET 3(given the situation that you're sitting for MUET)? Well, one of the articles in MUET 3 laa! Everyone of us has a very strong need to have other people hear us.

This need is so strong that when listening is purposely withheld,

of cravings and missing dogs

LOL...i was bored during modern lit so...

 promoting for unicef campaign...hehe

oh....that's my lovely notebook! it's thick and nice...love it!

i did this before the finals started but just remembered its existence! hehe

Hmmm...the weather during these few days are so terribly, extremely horrible! It's hot and it's giving me headaches and numbs! 

Actually, planned to go out with Nan today...Oh well, canceled all plans today.. x( 

Argh. My cravings for certain things

It's Diwali

diwali

Tomorrow will be Diwali..^^ Well, this year's Diwali got no place to celebrate...Aww....but I really miss aunty's muruku neh!

Fatigue

So, I'm done with my finals! There's no way to label it as good. I clearly know that I could have done better than what I've done! Far more better! I feel guilty for not doing good enough! Crap. Sigh. 

Fatigue. No better word to

of seniors, graduations and separations!

a pic took by a malay senior

The Upper Six Graduation yesterday was very successful! Congrats too all seniors. Haha..all looked frigging good and supposedly hot! Don't expect any photo's yet, cause' the camera's with my friend and her comp broke down... And it's really a miracle I didn't cam-whore at all yesterday! Don't know why, just don't feel like it...  

extremely glad!

Oh my god! It's Friday, guys!! I can't believe the exam is almost...ALMOST...over! 3 more papers and i can do whatever ever ever ever I want! Weee....okay, this is what I drafted during the few days of exam when I didn't update my blog~ hehe...

Nicky

okay...so this is the video of my nicky as promised...lol

and the war begins

So, this week, exam starts officially! LOL. yeah. My first paper is History Paper 1 and it's tomorrow. I don't wanna claim that I've studied hard. In fact, I slacked a lot. I mean, the study mood was like on and off on and off. I guess SPM spoiled me. I'm so used to study last minute that any early preparations just won't register. Haiz...so, this final exam last for approximately six days! I'm really lucky that it's not quite crammed as in a few papers per day. So...I still have some time to patch up for those subjects I neglected(i've been studying history AND only history). This, I suppose considered as last minute study eh...

Last week was such an eventful week! Wedding dinner and Fene with her dengue! The bright side is that, she's getting better and the doctor will discharge her tomorrow. Thanks god! But I think she somehow enjoyed some of her time there with the "sweetest" porridge in the world...LOL. Um...she's not that chicken after all...hehe...All of these sorta zapped most of my energy outta me! Phew...hu~ Um...I think something came up in my family-my father's side. My grandfather is really a troublemaker. Not only did he dumped my grandmother at our house without paying her visits but also creating troubles for almost everyone. He's really annoying.

Hey, have I introduce my nephew to you? LOL...nephew obsession...haha

Nicholas

Haha, isn't he cute? LOL...he resembles my sister at this point...but now...he started to have some traits from my BIL...he's chubby and cute! And very naughty too! I just love the way he smiles and his dimples! So freaking cute! Babies!!!! They're too adorable and so innocent! So, my sister participated this FB contest using this photo and if you're free or whatever...Please vote him okay? hehe...Just remember to like the page before you vote for him via this link. So, I've linked those required links to this post. You just have to click it. Convenient no? LOL...support support ya...hehehe...! I'm trying to upload a video of him to youtube. But too slow...I'll post it here when I'm done uploading!

All the best to those who are sitting for exams! Whatever exams! Oh yeah, it's cold again...dampness always manage to screw my mood up...but most of the time, i like it...haha...Cheers!

Mich

of wedding dinner and dengue

I love wedding dinner or any other family occasions(probably includes funerals?lol). It brings every relatives together and that's the time when you see how everyone changed and how they are, your relatives!

But the irony part is, through wedding dinners, you can actually spot Malaysians culture-mostly Chinese I suppose- not being on time! No matter how early you've mentioned the dinner would start in the invitation card. They still manage to arrive at 9 o'clock SHARP. Or maybe start arriving after 9 when the dinner was supposed to start at 7.30. Haiz...Malaysians.


The wedding dinner last night was...um...not to say great, but I love the bride's wedding dress! Should have taken some photos! My family are relatives of the bride's side. She's my beloved uncle's only daughter. Some of her friends posted the wedding dinner's photos. I might just share it with you guys!

See...her dress! and her husband!

This is my auntie!

So yeah, she's the only daughter of my beloved uncle and now she is getting married. I'm sure my uncle must be smiling his usual smile up there! Uncle, I miss you! Her wedding ceremony will be held on the 30th of October. We might be attending...hopefully. Congrats, Jovi!

By now, you must be wondering what does a wedding dinner has anything to do with dengue? Hell, wedding dinner has nothing to do with dengue! Of course not.

But the thing is, the popularity of dengue is again on the rise! My sister had fever for more than 5 days. It was like on and off, on and off! Yesterday, was the fourth day, she was supposed to return to the clinic and had her blood checked. She refused. 

Our relatives insisted her to have her blood checked. So, my mother brought her to have her blood checked, so and so. And now, she's waiting to be admitted into KPJ , Kajang. Yeah, dengue! Wish to be there with her. She's kinda chicken in place like that! 

And to everyone who's reading this post! Please refer to your doctor ASAP if you're experiencing symptoms of dengue! Forget about stupid SPM! Forget about stupid STPM! Forget about stupid exams, school and work! Dengue is not a matter of joke! (Sounds like commercial><)

Praying hard of my dearest sis, god bless! 

am now waiting for my mother to come back and pack some clothes for her, then, i'll go with my mother!(hopefully)

Mich

p/s: really friends, take care and be careful!

stop child abuse, raise your HAND...

Came across with this unicef campaign while blog walking, yeah! BLOG WALKING! lol. I drew this myself! 

this is actually the second one!

this is the first one!lol..LOVE WITH MICH!!!

see? i've already raised both my hand!So what are you waiting for? Raise your hand hand NOW! Stop child abuse..!

unfogging the future...

21st of October. Haiz. Next week's exam. Studying History is really tiring! Thanks god traditional lit is combining with modern lit! So, Tuesday's only his paper 1...I sort of enjoy everything that has something to do with Rome or Greek! Anything other than that, I started feeling sleepy and sort of bored! Even Tamadun China! lol. 


IDK.


My friends are(some, at least) saying that they don't really mind screwing up this exam! But for some reason that I myself don't even know, i DON'T WANNA screw it up. But I have a feeling that I'm about to screw it up! No matter how I study for history, it feels like nothing is registering in my mind. Like, I'm just briefly reading! Everything come and go! Nothing stays! Am I having exam anxiety? I guess i probably am! But don't ask me to relax. Because there's no way I can relax. Not NOW! Everyday after school, I feel so fatigue that there's no way I can focus properly! Ugh!

Maybe it's me.
Maybe it's really just me that I feel the necessity to do well! To do well in form six! I want and I NEED to get into either UPM or UKM OR UM! The nearest to where I stay so that i won't have to move out. No. I'm not a mummy girl. Definitely not. It's just that, without the need of moving out meaning I don't have to get a laptop! I can still come home and use my desktop!(hopefully) And I can save my parents from the amount of money they will have to spend if I have to study outstation! The fact that I don't want to stay too far from my family counts a lot too. I don't wanna feel detached from them anymore. I don't want to miss anymore time being together anymore. Isn't it weird? Everyone, well, almost everyone yearns to move out and stay at hostels away from parents, siblings and etc. But ME? lol. IDK...my BM teacher told me that her(nephew if I'm not mistaken) took Mass Comm at UKM. The first semester itself required him to buy a camera. And not those cute, pretty, pink in color digital cameras but DSLR! She might have mentioned more. But the thought of having to get a DSLR is enough to make me drift away from our conversation! lol.

People tend to say that I think too much about the future.
Well, maybe i am...
They say this will distract me a lot too.
Well, yeah, it distracts me more than just a lot...
Only if I have the ability to foresee the future...
or maybe a copy of Unfogging the Future by Cassandra Vablatsky(lol)
I might save myself from all  these worries and silly thoughts
and focus on here and now...
life is so not suitable for a mind like mine...

Mich

Oh crap!

Crap! My speaker retired! After working with me for more than 5 years, it gave up on me...><" Such a TRAITOR!! I didn't even betray it when I saw a PINK one on SALE! Stupid, evil, useless speaker!! Praying that my keyboard won't follow its "brother"! My mouse should die first..lol...now, now, now...I don't have that much of money! LOL...

Alright, so, I have to try and survive without my speaker until (hopefully) this Sunday! Haiz! I'll have to study anyways, so I guess it's okay maybe, I've already burned some fav songs into cds, so and so. Well, hehe, I've got Mikha's MUET essay...He's MAD! LOL...If I could catch him online now, I would be bombarding him with questions and this post won't exist! LOL. After studying for history last night, I drafted a post in my note book! Unfortunately, I currently have no plans to post it here. I guess it's too...urgh...NVM, let's forget about it...LOL. Curious? Steal my note book la....BLEK! Oh...where did I stop before I started crapping? Oh, Mikha's MUET essay! LOL...Well, what can I say when even his teacher gave him such great comments? Hehe...I found myself a MUET tutor!!!Ngehehehehe~
Okay, crapping stops here, I guess...wanna type Yee Ling a letter...kinda lost contact with her and back to my homework!

p/s: In case you're reading this, Mikha, Thanks a lot...LOL you still owe me one more...muaha!

Mich.

Dr. Mahathir

lol. I just saw Mahathir in today's 8.00pm's news at 8tv. Well, he's old like my mother said. But, I like him. He was one of the great prime ministers Malaysia ever had. I don't really know him because I was just a kid when he "ruled". LOL. But he made that kid liked him and has been liking him ever since. Maybe it's because of the conversations between mummy and daddy about him or maybe it's because of the way he talks. I remember when I was a kid, I'll listen intently whenever he gives talks and interviews, so and so. Hehe... i think he's one of those people that makes others like him just like that. >< lol. The way he still appears in news to comment about our current and previous prime minister is somehow hilarious. Okayy, politics stops right here. LOL. Just wanna tell that I admire our Bapa Pemodenan! Not gonna condemn anyone or any other things. By the way, when I googled Mahathir, I found his blog and thought it would be nice to share it..lol...this is his blog. Nice one.

--------------------------
Sometimes, humans are simply funny in their own way! You knew someone is talking/writing or even singing about you but you'll still ask this question: Is that me you're talking about?>,< Well, basically, the answer you will be getting is: LOL. Don't perasan!(my version) Hehe. Weee....I found and downloaded some trial exam papers for my history and even printed some parts of it! See...I'm working.lol. Oh gosh, I guess I've been updating my blog way too frequently. lolx.
=,=" my brother is so freaking annoying! He saw the way I edited the picture(the one for my current header) and he started bugging me to teach him how to do it! Ugh!!! He's so damn annoying! This is what he did. swt. I'm eighteen, it's okay to be "childish"! Besides, I'm a girl! But HE! A 21 year old GUY!!! Doing stuff like this! SWT la! Alright, lets burn the midnight oil together gether! LOL. Oh yeah, I've completed my proposal and gonna submit it tomorrow! Weeeee! Cheers!

Mich

and i miss...

Sitting in the morning class of History
Listening to the laughter of classmates and the teacher's voice
Everything seems so fine and ordinary
Just like the normal daily routine of the week
But something's obviously amiss
Because something's missing
Some feelings are gone
This ticklish sensation remains
And i miss the way we talk,
like we've known each other for six summers
And i miss the way you say "Tell me something i don't know about you",
like you're forbidding our conversation to reach its end
And i miss the way you tease,
like you're reading my mind, telling me that i'm wrong
And i miss your smiles and the way you care
The things you did and the things you said,
were once miraculously so significant
But time flies leaving memories behind
Like summer leaving without a word
Shredding every leaf with its hope
And it's cold but you'll never know.

friendster. facebook.

For some reasons, I logged in to my Friendster account. Quite surprise to see that some of my friends are still active at friendster! LOL. After getting what I wanted, i decided to cancel my account! it's weird, they use "cancel" instead of deactivate or delete. Hehe. They actually asked you which social sites you've transferred to... imagine the frequency of facebook and twitter appearing as the users answers! I viewed those old photos i posted at friendster too. Not much of a big difference, slightly, very slightly fatter only! LOL. it's fast the way people move on to other social sites. I remember facebook existed so long ago and all out of a sudden, it's popularity shot up to the max! sigh. Still wondering the reason i logged in to friendster? LOL. this is it...

LOL. This was something Ee Leng did for my sweet 16! Why she chose this photo...IDK. But I actually like it. Of all the glittering comments they posted for me, this is the one I love the most! Why? It's DIY stuff! LOL. Hehe, the size is a bit small, but enough for bookmark! Weeee...got lots of bookmarks to make! hehe...with all the cartoon versions of my friends and siblings and some awesome drawings of a friend(not you, Nan...LOL..your drawings too big laa), my books will be happy to receive such special bookmarks...Hehe!

And one more thing, LOL, I just love this new look of my blog so much. I know it's pretty simple and all but i just love the way it is now! And the songs it plays every time you load it! LOL. Alright, i guess, it's really time i return to my studies. I'm thinking about deactivating my facebook account for the time being. It's not that i'm addicted to its games and all, but i just can't help spamming walls. LMAO. hehehe...Okay, this post is way too long. Crappy aren't I? 

Mich

Of confusions, patience and DUST!

I woke up at 9.45 this morning and had my breakfast. My mother happened to be sitting in front of me and she started nagging about how dusty and messy my comp's desk is! And also the amount of old clothes that I should dispose of...>< swt! So, instead of mugging my history, I set off to clean up the "mess"...LOL. With all the dust from SPBT room and my desk(particularly keyboard), I started feeling itchy! Ish... ish...ish! I have to keep typing to prevent my hands from rubbing my eyes.LOL. Currently listening to Yiruma's River Flows in You! Wonder why they can relate it with Twilight movie... Polluting it if you ask me...hehe! Not a RP or KS fan!

-----------------------

I saw a status when I logged in to my FB account that reminded me of chemical reactions and falling in love! I don't really remember, but as far as I'm concerned, it has something to do with our hormones right? LOL... I think, besides the feeling of falling in love, it also triggers confusions and cut down our patience. LOL. Feelings are always confusing because it's too abstract for you to hold still or to grasp at it. Since it's so abstract, instead of losing your patience over it, you focus on something else for the time being. The more you want something the lease it is you'll get it! (=

LOL...one more week left and it's finals!  See what I was doing..lol

  


 hehehe...childish, i know...but it's cute!!
lol...gambate neh~(=
hehehehe...if i got enough time, i'll draw mikha~ ngehehehehe!

Mich
p/s: Maybe will catch The Child's Eyes later!!! Shawn and Rainie!

10♥10♥10

Weee...it's 10 10 10!! LOL.. It's not really special is it? But still, this happens for like once a thousand of years! Heee...Okay, this is obviously some of my stupid rambles and all. LOL. But today is so special I just have to post something!! xD Heee... Should celebrate it somehow! I wanna get pierced!! I'll see if I can get any~ LOL. I'll upload the pic if I get it!!!! Oh my god...I feel so GAY!!!! LOL

Mich

Sorry, friends!

LOL...I just realize that I've been cramming my friends news feed with my emo posts...*smack*

I'm exhausted...emotionally and physically.

I just came back from my pacemaker follow-up at IJN. The girl who checked me up was the one who handled my surgery 3 years back. Whoa. It's been 3 years now eh? I didn't realize. Well. She didn't recognize me. But I did. Abigail. LOL. The doctor said, my little companion has 10 years of life span. Well, that, I did not expect! I mean, it's the third year already...so, it should be 7 years left. Well, I told my mother, she said, probably some mistakes. Don't rely too much on it. Haih...god knows how much I wish it's true! I mean, going through another surgery!!! The thought of it is enough to freak me out! >< Why am I so chicken about it suddenly?

I still didn't receive any text from him. Today is...what? The third day? But he did something at facebook. I don't know what that was supposed to mean. Or...did it even meant anything at all? He admitted it! That's what came to my mind when the notification about him jumped out at me. Well, I guess I really need an emotional break. LOL...but how? Yesterday, I couldn't even look at my phone...the sight of it made me feel like crying..(no exaggerations here!) I'm just a typical emotional freak I guess...LOL...it's only 7 something and I feel sleepy. Fatigue owned me now. Not YOU!

Mich

Trying..

Been studying history everyday and realize that history is kind of repetitive! Anyhow, it's better than our unpredictable life! IDK...it's so weird. It's not the first time we didn't text each other and now, it pissed him off! And he said he GIVE a damn about me talking again to him...(blur?) What the hell? What is this guy friend of me up to? Is he trying to pick a fight with me? I tried not to care. But, I can't help crying! I don't know... it hurt me more than anything else! I don't even know what the hell is going on! FRIENDS!!!!! WTH?!  Damn, I haven't been crying because of stuff like this since...UGH!! MICHELLE, DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU!

I really don't know what to feel or how to react. I don't know what you want. I don't know who you are. I don't know where to turn to. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know what IS THIS! I don't know who am I. Yeah, I'm really selfish, you know what, I can be more selfish if you linger long enough to witness it! Really.

Mich

Of guys, girls and random stuff

Phew…. It’s PMR and I’m on a week-long holiday. I’ve planned this week to be a study week. LOL. The first day, I’ve tried BM. I completed one of the tasks she gave. Still have an essay and one summary to complete. Planning to start my essay tonight. It’s easier for me to start writing at night. When the world seems to be in deep slumber, I like being alone. Studying or reading with the low humming noise of the air-cond. I feel belong and at peace. Night is the most comfortable time to me. Sometimes, I love holding back feelings during the day and release it at night. Weird right? Maybe it’s too hot during the day for me to feel anything at all! LOL.

Delicious gifts from maggie...hehe



Oh… There’s this junior I met at KHS. His name’s Joshua Yap. He’s nice and he’s cute. LOL. Maybe he’s brought up in a strong Christian family. He’s different from many guys his age I knew. The way he sees things and the way he thinks. Sometimes he gives me the feeling that he’s quite mature for his age. SOMETIMES. LOL. The only thing I dislike about him is, he reminded me of someone who ought to be outta my life. Someone that left a pretty deep scar in me. But the more I get to know Joshua, the less I see “him” in him. Funny!

Whoa, I called history in SPM hard. Compared to the stuff I have to go through now, I bet it’s a piece of cake! xD hehe…Haiz! This morning, I saw a status in FB saying that girl's mind are hard to understand. He said, they tend to turn round and round a point without touching it. But I really think that the problem here is GUYS are complicating stuff! What a girl wants is pretty simple. It’s you guys who fail to pay attention ended up complicating it and blame girls for being hard to understand. I came up with this theory. Guys, they start their everyday like a brand new story, a new book. Girls, it’s a new chapter with the same story in the same book. So, if you want to understand them, you have to follow the story from the beginning, not just the new chapter or any chapter you like.

Well, enough of crapping, here are some photo’s I uploaded to facebook and figured it would be nice here too….Enjoy….^^

Latest ME~~~hehe..pretty? LOL



More pics~

Lanterns~

yummy delicacies!

Mich

SungHa! xD

Oh my god! Well, I'm nothing of a musical person..hehe! But this kid..he's so cool! And I don't know...I just gotta SHARE it here!!!!^^ Oh...he's really cute...

Enjoy!



Mich

Fun friends? Close friends?

I guess, I've been really emotional lately in Facebook.  With my colloquium, some stuff and "someone" to bother me. I doubt that I will have any good mood. One of my friend asked, why am I so emo and suggested that I hang out and have fun with my friends to distract myself. This is ironic. Because, till then only I realize that, I don't really have any friends that I could have fun with. Well, Nandy. I have a bunch of girl friends. But none as close. Not to mention hang out and have fun! I remember when I was still in Engku Husain, I had fun with Sam, Nandy, Ayumi and John. Those are friends where I can really laugh with and enjoy with. I don't know, I laugh too with my other friends, it's just that, I couldn't really recall a proper time where we really hang out and enjoy thoroughly like Nandy and I used to. Yeah, Jocelyn is also another friend who I enjoy going out with. But she's leaving soon enough.

I guess, there's really loads of stuff going on messing around with my mood lately. I feel like crying. I feel pathetic. I can't find answers to my questions! My emotions in these very moment is really screwed up and, and I don't know what the hell is going on with me!!!!! I feel like screaming, shouting! Damn, Nandy, I miss you like hell!! I don't know it this time!! I don't know how to deal with all the things this time! I don't know how to get  over it this time! I don't know how to distract myself this time! I really miss my high school life now. I remember those distractions I used to have with Chee Sit, Keat and you playing basketball! I remember Zizi and Afiq joking around in class! And I remember having you everyday in MY LIFE. Why am I having this feeling that everything is changing too rapidly that I can't catch up with it. Isn't this hilarious? My life is changing in a pace where I fail to keep up with. My life is leaving me behind it.

Nandini, where are you?

Mich

Hard time

It's pathetic that you can't get a grip on your mood. I'm trying hard to brace with what's going on with me. You have to let yourself to experience a certain emotion before you can detach yourself from it...the thing is, the amount of pain you have to go through when you allow yourself to indulge in that emotion is always the worst part.

Me and my books..xD

I don't have pics but i embedded short clips from To Kill a Mockingbird film adaptation:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QRvwmswq-0&feature=related]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZu3sQhi8Ss&feature=related]

Okay, it was 11 something when I drafted this post on my notebook. Pretty blur cause’ headache-ing too..>.<! Okay, I’m this type of human where when the feeling’s here, I just have to jot it down or it will probably slip away with sleeping.

Hehe, I was reading To Kill a Mockingbird. I’m about to finish it. 10 pages or maybe less than that left. Yeah, reading in a slow pace. What else can I do when there are all these distractions like facebook, plurk and etc. Well, it’s a nice book. Good reading piece. I remember asking my friend why is the title To Kill a Mockingbird? Why mockingbird. Now I know, mockingbird symbolizes innocence. Atticus said, no matter how noble a man is, but if he took advantage of the ignorant, he’s nothing but trash. This book, it puts you in the perspectives of an innocent girl about Americans and the colored folks back in 1936 if I’m not mistaken.

Some people might think: Michelle, why are you reading all these now? Should have read it earlier! But to me, this is exactly about the right time for me to go through these entire genres. I mean I’m 18. The age where I’m turning from a silly, stupid girl to a girl with brains. LOL. I guess I no longer read to bring myself into a world full of fantasies away from realities. I’m now looking for books that will make me think I guess. But come to think of it, if Jane Austen’s books happen to be published now, wouldn’t it be categorize as chicklits? xD I guess I’ve passed those times where I’m after fantasies and fang-tastics. Hehe. My next target will be Mitch Albom since Nandy refused to lend me hers. But he will have to wait until I finish my Jane Austen. A long way to go… I realize, the way you look at books changes as you grow. I probably might end up boxing To Kill a Mockingbird away if I happen to read it a few years back. So, I came to the conclusion that, maybe the House of Night series aren’t that bad after all. Hehe. Maybe one day, one day I might just pick up Narnia from the book rack and end up liking it. But for the time being, I still think the movie’s better. LOL. I don’t know. My sister told me that Narnia was written base on the Bible. So maybe a few years later, I might be able to take it in maturely. I might also be able to link “the air is delicious” with Christianity too. Just kidding. No offence intended. Ohh crap! I seriously hope Jodi Picoult would stop writing. I really don’t know how long it is until I get back to her. Imagine the amount of book she has written until I get back to her…! Nicholas Spark, I’ll just get it from Nandy. Hehe….

I reckon she must be complaining that I’m not lending her my books while I still expect her to lend me hers. I think this habit won’t change for a long time. She knows best about me and my books. Better take my pacemaker out of me than getting me to lend you my books, right Nandy? Sam would laugh at this!

P/s: My phone's still not home yet..no pics..T.T

Mich

WE move on. WE change.

I went to the Book Fest at KLCC. It was nice. I bought six novels in a row completing my Jane Austen’s collection. Hehe… includes To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee. Like I said… I’m going through classics lately! It’s been a really long time since I met Nandini… And we came to the conclusion that both of us changed a lot. Mentally I guess.

Everyone and everything’s changing. We’re no longer as crazy like we used to. Maybe I’m not in the mood but it’s definitely not because we’re running out of topics. Like she said, she no longer feels like being the one who’s doing all the talking. I guess both of us would rather be a listener now. Everything’s changing and people moves on. To me, the main reason everyone drifts apart is they're leading a way too different lifestyles and they no longer have anything in common. She seems upset by this and I told her: You’ve got two choices. A) Leave me and move on. B) Move on with me. Honestly, I think changes and moving on are no big deal if we’re doing it in the same frequency, doing it together. There are saying that goes this way; distance kills relationships. I think that it all depends on how thick is the bond in that relationship. Since we’re miracle twins, I doubt that our friendship will be that fragile.

Nandini…

There’s one thing I want you to know. It’s really easy being with you. Not like with my any other friends, I feel belonged when I’m with you. Though, you’re really irritating sometimes! LOL… Like we always say: We have so many things in common yet we’re so different from each other. And we think in the same wavelength don’t we? We never know what might happen next like I always say, we will enjoy while we’re still at it. I love you and am working hard to keep our friendship go on forever. We’ll change together. We’ll move on together! XOXO

Mich

Fragile Life...

31^st August 2010 marks the darkest day of a family. A schoolmate of mine passed away after a severe asthma attack. I was so taken aback when May San told me; Winnie, from my class passed away yesterday. I took a few seconds to figure out who she meant. I’m not close to her. Just a hi-bye friend. She was a tall girl with long hair and a in my opinion a rather boyish character. When I was told that she passed away, I felt sorry for her family and also for her loss… Yes, her loss! She, like me and my other friends are just eighteen. The age where possibilities are everywhere around us but her rights to all these possibilities and her own life are being taken away once and for all! Her seat would forever be vacant. We’ll no longer see her waiting for bus at the bus stop with us. There will be someone missing in her group of friends walking pass my class to the toilet. This somehow reminds me the importance of appreciating life while we’re still at it.

To smile while I can, cry while I still have the chance and love while my heart still beats. We never know what’s coming next. Really, we should take hold of every chance we have. How worst can an outcome be when death is waiting for us no matter what? Screw up your exam? Rejected by someone? At least you’ve tried! If you die the next moment after you’ve given it a try, you’ll have one thing less to regret about your life!  But if it’s the other way around, you’ve got nothing! NOTHING at all! You have no rights to say you can’t without even trying as you are the one living, not the one dead! You’re still breathing, you still have a tomorrow!

Don’t wait till everything’s too late to even feel sorry, live like you’re dying.

Life’s too fragile for you to say you can’t…

Mich

4.18 pm

1^st of September 2010

When the heart dies

The heart dies a slow death

Shedding each hope like leaves

Until one day there are none

No hopes

Nothing remains...

--Sayuri (Memoirs of a Geisha)

Wuthering Me

It’s been a long time since I posted. There’s a lot going on in my mind but naught that I could express with words. To be honest, I’ve been messing around with my own feelings lately and it sucks. I can sense that something is growing, some feelings started to grow and I’m trying my best to deny all of it. Like she said, it’s probably some temporary illusions! But why are all those symptoms coming back to me? You started wondering if “someone” sent you a message and you missed the alert. You wonder if “someone’s” coming to school today. You wonder if it’s okay to send “someone” a message. You even worry if you’ve annoyed “someone” when “someone” stops replying your message. And when you stay up till one in the morning just to text that “someone” and take “someone’s” words seriously. All these are pretty hilarious I know… But this is like angel and demon case… There’s this urge to turn around to look for “someone”, but there’s also this stupid voice screaming at you to stop. All these are strange yet familiar and I doubt if it will last long enough. What? Last long enough so that I’ll get myself hurt again and spend a few years getting over it?? I’m working to get rid of all these stupid things before my life started to revolve only around “someone” like what happened once. All I need is less time alone and more time with friends. Thanks God the holidays are just around the corner! Besides reading, I swear it’s still reading. Damn Facebook....

Guess what. I’m reading “the hate story” Edward Cullen called it, again. Yeah, Wuthering Heights. I need hate story now. Not love story!



Somehow, I like this book even though the best part might be Cathy being together with Hareton in the end. But this book is nice, or else why is it a classic? I really think Catherine died too early….

❤Michelle❤

Erratic makes it too late

Life’s erratic! Who can deny this? Really, you can never predict what will happen in the next second of your life. You might be the king of the world in this very moment and be the loser of the world next. My point here is, you never know. Like my friend, he told me he and his family will be homeless in 2 to 3 months time after receiving the confirmation letter of some kind. Another friend of mine, he found out that his brother blasted a public hall in his area once he got home from school. You just never know (Btw, his brother really did that).

All these things reminded me of what my Bahasa Melayu teacher said one day at class;

You’ll enjoy this year, but once you enter next year you’ll have a lot of problem whether family or school. When next year comes, and you’re considered grownups, your family will eventually share their problems with you. That’s when you learn!

She made me think. I guess because I’m the youngest here and back at Mummy’s’ so, I was never exposed to any financial problems or whatsoever they were facing. But I knew what happened, not the whole story though. Yet, I still knew. I felt helpless about what happened. I still feel that way now. I’m young, ignorant and there’s nothing I could do to help except from coming back here. But that never cross my mind back then. I still remember the way Mummy crying into the phone complaining to Alex about Daddy. And about how worried she’s with my future or rather with what might happen to me in the future without the financial support for my surgeries and all.

Recalling all those times, I’m touched. To be honest, who am I to her? Who am I to Daddy? But they helped so readily and so willingly. I don’t know how much time that is left for me to love them and to love my parents. I don’t know how much time that is left for me to proof them that I really love them. How much time I still have to be with them?

Will everything be too late for me?

❤Michelle❤

When my heart stops beating

There’s always this question in my mind

How long can I live?

How long is it till my heart stops beating?

Every morning when I open my eyes

It feels great that I’m still here

The gravity still holds me firmly

I love the feeling of my heartbeat against my palm

Miracle’s in my grasp

I love the feeling when my heart flutters excitedly

Miracle’s happening

I love the feeling when sadness tears my heart apart

Miracle’s still here

My fragile heart’s still beating

There are times when I sit down wondering

If one day, my heart refuse to beat

Even with the help of that little device

What would happen to me?

To the consciousness I’ve been holding on all these while

Will it just disappear?

Leaving nothing at all

For those who I love

And those who love me

❤Michelle❤

Coffee doesn't HELP!

I'm BACK!

Haha...Honestly, the exam is still on. It's just that I'm sitting for Bahasa Malaysia tomorrow(last paper). So, here I am!



When I got back home yesterday and settled everything, I was pretty tired and I felt sleepy to the extreme! I can’t sleep cause’ I’m having History Paper 1 and 2 the next day and there’s a lot to read! I took out the stack of books and settled down at the dining hall…! People said coffee keeps you awake and I made myself a cup of extremely concentrated coffee, washed it down and begun reading. SCREW the coffee! It just doesn’t work with me! No wonder I detest it so freaking much! I’ll never take coffee ever again! Chocolate helps actually, but the problem is, my house ran out of chocolates!!! Urgh! I swear I’ll never take coffee ever again! I really don’t understand why Labelle likes it so much. Her record was 3 cups a day I guess… What’s so brilliant bout’ coffee?! >.<

❤Michelle❤