my missing half

Hi. Lately, I came across this blog post by a very consistent blogger, Shuwen. She shared  her thoughts on what's a friend. You guys should read it ! :) So, might as well expect that this post is something related to the very same issue.   Readers of my blog would be familiar with her, my ultimate bestie of the century. Yes, her. That very same girl who at first impression I thought was quite, well, nerdy. And that very same woman who stuck around with me despite my awfulness, bitchiness-I don't even know if that's a world, but screw it and selfishness. If I have to name one person apart from my family that puts up with all my shits, who else would it be if it's not her ? #HEAR HER SING I don't want to repeat all over again how grateful am I to have her in my life, when I already did in my old post I guess. Lol, it's just that now that she's a few thousand miles away, it makes me realize that how much I miss her and how I've taken her for granted ever since the second we laid eyes on each other, wtf. But yeah, you get what I'm trying to say. 
And given that a small drama came up before she left, so yeah .. 
Hey woman,
I'm sorry you had to, and hopefully will have to, put up with everything that I've put you through and still be there for me. Guess you love sticking your nose at where you shouldn't ! Hah ! You don't get much compliment from me, so might as well print this and frame it up. They said, well the horoscopes said that Capricorn and Leo don't get along. But if you ask me, I'm a tad bit too old for those crap. And the fact is, we're still as awesome as how we used to be right ? 
Things I've always knew and always proud of but never told you are, man, you're beautiful ! :) Inside out. And that you're not fat. Yes, I've been teasing you all these time, all these years ! But no, you're not because you're just you. And I'm sorry it actually hits you badly. You're simply awesome. Really, you're simply very decent. You can be reckless, you can be tubelight, you can be the Nandini who sings super well but whoever and no matter how good you can be at something, you're always you at the end of the day. You don't brag. Maybe that's because you always have the mindset that you're not good enough because there are millions of people out there that is better than you. Above all, you don't look down on anyone. :) It's simply amazing that you're in my life. I'll never want you to leave my life .. haha ! 
And you're like so freaking far away now, the only way to stay connected is through social sites and blahs, blahs ! You think things will remain the same ? Yeah, next year can't come any sooner ! 
Take care of yourself, and never forget yourself or I'll disown you ! Hahaha.
Love you too much :P
XOXO

p/s : Our friendship is a beautifully matured child that takes good care of itself. :)

Directly proportional

If I hate you is directly proportional to I miss you.


I tried. But it never work because you keep running back. Too stubborn to be uprooted from my mind.

And .. some stuff are just not yours to begin with.

Mich, without the 'ie'.

seed

It's late, or .. early ?

Exam is like less than a month away. I'm really doomed. I've lost momentum. And, yeah, I'm freaking out. I don't want to lost hope. Everyone has been telling me that I can do it. Something already exist, no point putting it aside, no point ignoring the feeling. You know what, I'll try my very best to make it our source of motivation. No one gets left out. The process ain't easy. No one ever said it is. But because it's not easy, it will worth more than we think it worths. 

If this is a process of finding our seed of hope. I want us to have to best seed possible. Everything that grows, depends on that very seed. 

It's time, no ?

Mich.

the best things in life

"The best things in life are free." Do you agree ? 

 This is the title for my MUET essay for trials.

When I saw this, I made up my mind agreeing with the statement without giving it a thought. Maybe I really wanted to get it done as soon as possible. Maybe I'm short-sighted that I got trapped by the word free. I jumped to a conclusion that when they mentioned free, it actually means things that we do not have to pay money for. I got the lowest mark in my history of essay writing. After reading my friend's essay on the very same topic, I've finally got the idea of what do they really mean by best things in life and free.

More often than never, confidence overwhelmed us and we tend to fail in thinking out of the box. "Best things in life" is a very general statement. It varies according to different people. Why ? Because every one of us has different perspective and experience in life despite how very same we might be. For instance, I might think reading is the best stress-releasing activity. But others might suggest some other activities. You might think the best thing in life is one's achievement, but I'd think the best thing in life is love. However, I have come to a point that I have to say, no matter what your definition for best things in life are, it is not free and never will be.

Maybe I should start with the most common thing that people said its free which is love. Love is free, they might say. But if you think deeply, no, it's not. Be it the love from your family, friend or your soul mate. Yes, love can be given unconditionally, but the price we paid, did you realize, is time ? Even family you need time not to mention friends and soul mate.

One will be very wrong if one is to think that the love from a mother is totally free. It's definitely not free. The risk she took and the perfect figure she gave up in order to conceive a small life that she will later on have to put infinite time and care raising that little life up is nothing some mere dollar bills can measure. That's the best example from family love.

And friends, how much time spent creating memories and gaining trust in order to build up a strong and loving friendship ? I'm hundred percent positive that you don't love a friend that you've made an hour ago. All these need plenty efforts and time.

Your soul mate too, you spend time together from small conversations to get to know each other to complications with heartbreaks and tears involved in the whole process until you can actually hold him/her in your arms. What has been involved ? Time. And for most guys, of course, the ultimate courtship.

In simple English, best thing in life is not free, anything at all. You always have to either give up something or go through something in order to gain something else. Because, life as we know it needs exchanges. Before this, I've always think that best things in life are free. We do not have to pay for love, we do not have to pay for life. If only money wise, yes .. There are many things that we don't have to pay money to get it. But efforts put in, time sacrificed ? Those are things more worthwhile than some dollar bills.

Why did I change my mind ? Someone convinced me with the most simple act.

I shared this on facebook, and said that I supposed this is free. He came and told me no. It's not, nothing is, because it requires courage. Unconvinced, I challenged, how much you paid ? And he answered this :

It's some simple teasing but it  triggers me into thinking .. well, true enough, nothing IS free. Holding  someone's hand that you love needs courage and obviously love. Then again, without time and effort, love and courage don't just fall out of the sky into your lap, do they ?

It must be some trend tumblr has indeed developed because you can see people sharing photos, pictures with quotes everywhere.

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8 

source : tumblr.com

If I have to pick my favorite out, it'd be the one about love is friendship set on fire and the one about one of the best things in the world along with #1, #5, #7 and #8 ! 

And he ended his essay with something like this : In order to get the best things in life, we have to give up ignorance. It's not exactly the same but hopefully the meaning is still there. 

Life's short, don't wait until it's too late.

These hands, once held are not meant to be let go of  ♥

Lots of love,

Mich.

p/s : i love the way how your big hands wrap up my really small ones. thank you for  putting up with all my nonsense and tantrums.  

i love you !

just wanna .. say something

Laugh all you want, but I've already off my computer but shot up and turned it on again. Have this sudden urge to blog and just you know, wanna say something. But .. oh well .. 

#be my penguin ?

It's kind of a special day for me. Well, maybe not THAT special. Okay, a wee bit special, no .. a little bit more than that ? Okay, A LIL MORE than that.. Scrap those, it's special ! Ahhh, whatever ! Anyway, I just wanna say .. I don't know what I want to say.. ! HA.HA.HA. So farneyyy la ! 

Right.

I wanna sleep now. Nights. K, thanks, bye.

Love love love love love,

Mich

P/s : I wonder if you felt what I felt. 

whatnots

Trials over and I've shifted to a new house. Everything happened in about a week only. It feels like a decade, to me at least. I thought reading will distract me from over thinking. But this time, no, it did not. 

I'm reading Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin and it made me feel downright worse. It's definitely not a tears jerker, but every time Rachel describes her feelings for Dex, it makes you feel like crying. How guilty she feels for wanting more of Dex and how insecure she feels about their barely existing love. How she has no rights at all to feel certain things but still feels it strongly. But it's a book, it has an ending, a happily ever after ending. 

Life is not a book. It has a beginning but you never know when it ends. Insecurity is like a black hole, it sucks everything around it inwards, leaving an emptiness behind. 

And my brother played Christina Perri's Arms on a loop. Forcing the lyrics into my mind. However, it hits a nerve. 

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go


I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

Sometimes, your mind tells you not to simply judge a person, but your gut tells you your judging is right. 

Love,

Mich

Y U NO PARK SOMEWHERE ELSE

I should be studying. In fact I was looking for note from the same old blog I used to visit until .. well .. my finger just worked their way to open another new tab and logged into facebook page. Completely their fault ! Not mine. Right .. and guess what, one of my friend posted a YouTube link with the title ..

#Tesco Malaysia : Unreasonable Woman Who "Snatched" People's Parking

I usually don't watch this kind of videos because firstly, it's crap. Secondly, it's lame. But out of the blue I played it and thanks to the smoothness of my line, it played smoothly too. Here is the link to the video in case you might wanna watch. 

And HERE is the briefing on what actually happened in MY opinion. The driver auntie was waiting for a parking and somehow the yellow shirt auntie cut queue and parked the parking the driver auntie was waiting for. Then, obviously, this driver auntie must have said something to this yellow shirt auntie provoking her "fire". And so, they ended up shooting each other. Then obviously again, the whole process was being recorded and uploaded into YouTube for the whole wide world to know how Malaysian Chinese Women behave when they got cut while waiting for parking or rather when they got confronted "snatching" parking. 

But I somehow find some viewers comments are hilarious ..

Honestly, though I know that Police in Malaysia are very hardworking. On call 24/7. You seriously think they accept report on someone cutting queue for .. what ? Parking ? What should you say ? 

"I would like to lodge a report, sir. A Chinese lady in yellow(probably a bersih member) just 'snatched' my parking lot at Tesco."

Now that this commenter mentioned the yellow auntie's husband, I found it quite funny that at some point in the video, she told her kid to ask for "baba" which means the kid's father and also her husband. But in the end, the guard turned up. I heard wrongly or what ?!

Now now .. THAT hits a nerve. What does all this nonsense got anything to do with being Chinese and Malaysia ? Just because it happens IN Malaysia and both are Chinese women doesn't mean this is what we ARE ! Similar cases happens too among other races and this doesn't mean a specified race is stupid. And this video ALONE doesn't represent the WHOLE Malaysia ! HELL, of course it DOESN'T !

Well, I know many people out there are really racist. My parents, to be real honest, are racist sometimes. But this is very narrow minded for certain people to judge and call we, Chinese, as a stupid race. You know many stuff happen around in Malaysia involves a lot other races which can be really imbecilic. 

You see being racist is actually like a allergy reaction.

There must be something that triggers you and affects you directly causing your brain to transmit the racist cells. My father can be scolding something bad about any races while driving on the road, but he still can tag along with Malays co-workers and sometimes talk about how both Chinese and Malays are being unreasonable. 

You can call a Chinese stupid if he kicked you in the ass. You can call a Malay brainless if he stole your phone. You can call an Indian idiot if he raped your cat. Well, not the he will.

But when you're just a youtube user watching videos online and telling the world, Chinese in Malaysia are stupid, rude etc .. it's just plain .. idiotic. YES .. it's affecting me directly that's why i can call those commenter IDIOT ! 

And then this,

Malaysians HAS have turned into a bunch of illiterate cowboys. SO .. he/she is saying he/she is one of them since by the end of the comment, he/she stressed that he's/she's a Malaysian too. How very funny. Don't you know Malaysia is the only country that provides free education until you're 18 ? (It's considered free in government schools even though certain fees are compulsory to be paid besides, you don't have to buy textbooks in here, do YOU ?) 

You see, one thing I'm sure about Malaysians is that, they are very easily sidetracked. They lose their focus easily. Like some body bombing case, like some body off some building case and some auntie snatching parking case. I'm a good example. See, I'm easily sidetracked but I'm clearly NOT stupid. 

Actually, if my parking lot was to be taken unreasonably, I'd smile and wait until the driver gets in the mall. Then .. I'll take out my favorite 50 cents coin and show some creative work. If you know what I mean. Haha, just kidding. :D

Yours truly,

Mich

p/s : Actually, I wasn't feeling that all happy about something that came up lately in my life. So, no offense to anyone, i'm just venting my own frustration on something else. but i really got pissed about those comments. 

maybe i should really keep a safe distance which i should have done way earlier. hope it's not too late. yes, i failed at guarding my emotion again. sigh. till then. :'(

of resurrection and summarizing

Greetings, earthlings !

Such a long hiatus i had. May was happening and also packed with mid-year exam. Though there weren't any updates but i am one of those "lifeless" bloggers that come checking at their statistics too frequently. I would have abandon my blog if not for the statistic that shows visitors are still dropping by my blog even the lack of updates would have long bored any visitors out to even click on my link. I am sorry for the hiatus. This post, basically is to summarize what happened during my long break ! =)

Wesak Day
It was the best wesak day i have ever had in my N-years of life. My family and I went to Tambun at Ipoh for the huge celebration at a temple. It was awesome because i got to witness the unfurling of the huge canvas painting of Buddha.

#turning the long painting around

#flipping it up to run under it

Running across to the other side of the painting underneath it is to bring us good luck. The painting was tremendously long. The temple unfurls it once a year to receive some sun light, or in other words, sunbath it !

#random shots

#nicholas and uncle

#nicholas boy

I just can't believe how much he has grown ! Lovely as usual. After that, we visited another temple.

 #love hut

#chinese's god of love

This is basically the highlight of the visit to this temple, for my sisters. As for me, i wanted to visit this temple because this temple is to give blessings specially for students. But i only took photo of the love hut. But of course, since we were there, i prayed for some luck in my love life too ! Haha.

Mid-year Exam


My exam started on 16 of May and then the next day was Wesak day. It continued for god knows for how long ! I know i've almost screwed up half the exam or maybe the whole exam. I blame myself for that because, after all those hours of slacking, what else can i expect ? But, through this exam, i've got a grip. Hopefully i will make use of this long holiday !

Gathering

This photo spoke for itself no ? Right after the last day of exam, some buddies decided to meet up. And we had fun like you won't believe. Haha, but i did not take much photos, partially because i was not in the mood, partially because i was too busy !

I was suppose to go out with bestie the next day, but oh well, DOTA killed her ! Sigh.

Surprise 

My family was blessed with a small amount of fortune ! We were so excited and i was literally jumping around the house. And so, my father brought us to enjoy breakfast and desserts, not to forget the awesome dinner(no photos for dinner, sorry !)

I guess my mother is right about "investing" ! Hah.

#ice kacang with atachi

#my yummy mango flakes

#durian --something

Pau-making

#before

#after

I know the before one looks like, uhm, not presentable, but after it's ready, it tasted like superb ! =) MY mother is a genius ! She just learned it and it tasted really good ! :D

Alright, this is basically what happened in May. Will update soon about something more inward. Haha !

Love,

Mich

of occasional complains and whatsoever

Went to a shoe festival at PWTC with family today. Upon entering the exhibition hall, there was this grand stage which was Jimmy Choo's booth ! Really grand since he was standing there taking photos with a group of ladies. My sister was totally into this shoe festival that she bought 3 pairs of shoes from the fest. I had some fun looking at stuff while they were shoe hunting : I was totally not in the mood for shopping not to mention hunting for the perfect shoes in the midst of shopaholics ! OTL.

Will post some photos in the next blog post about the "fun" i had.

I guess i have been super emotional lately. I literally spent two nights and one morning crying like no body's business. Really. I'm not those kind of girl that blame around about how my life sucks so and so. But there is time when you want to blame the world because life is being a totally awful bitch to you no ? In addition to monthly hormone imbalance, so yeah .. I even sulk around at my parents for no reason, well not exactly NO reason.. OTL.

It's just that, i have this feeling that i'm going through the very same thing a second time. The first time, i was a kid. And i don't really give a damn about anything so i just got pass it quite easily. But this time, i am no more a kid and summing up the first time experience, i got more frustrated with .. everything ! Like, why do things have to be this way ? Why do life have to be so ridiculous.

I guess crying is good, crying allows your feelings to pour out along with the tears .. LOL. At least, i think, crying prevents me from depression. Haha .. But i guess the "virus" is not completely cleared out yet, I'm like a time bomb now, anything can trigger it to explode.



#tearing up with the lyrics too
If healing starts after a downpour style of crying, then i might as well begin healing myself now .. ! 
I'm a fool, I know that .. but i still ...

my immortal

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears..

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave..

Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone !

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real..

There's just too much that time cannot erase !

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone..

the emo freak,

Mich 

p/s : I want an iPod Touch !

what are words - Chris Medina

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonightAnd I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
 I'm forever keeping my angel close the first time i listened to this song, it gave me goosebumps for no reasons..but when i listen closer, i found out why..the lyrics ! And yeah...what are words when you really don't mean them when you say them ? What are promises when you don't keep them too... ! 
i tried embedding the official video, but you won't be able to view it in blogs it seems..so here is the official video. Just listen to it closely and you'll find yourself tearing up too ! 
Mich

of endings and beginnings

i know. i should be in class now having MUET. but i'm not. Before every thought slip away from my "feeble" mind, i might as well just store it here, in my external memory blog.

23rd of February 2011...

Another ordinary Wednesday, another dull routine of life perhaps ? But to me, it's an ending. Ending to a certain period in life which i have no name to label it. My family and i woke up early today. We sent our Cambodian maid to the LCC terminal to board the plane that brings her back the her original home. On the way to the airport, to be honest, i hope for only one thing, she can stay here. The urge to hold on to that very moment never cease until we leave the airport. She has been living with us for two years, taking care of my grandmother and helping my mother out with the house chores. She has become a part of the family, a familiar pattern of life that includes her.

My grandmother passed away and now that the maid left, it's like everything is back to how it used to be before my grandmother came. But i don't need anyone to tell me to know and understand the fact that nothing will ever be the same ever again. Changes. Unavoidable. Move on. Life.

When the stroke took every single freedom away from my grandmother and she had to stay with my family and the family hired a Cambodian maid that will live in my house, i used to think that these two new members are some kind of intruders. But when time passes by, you fall into a familiar pattern and they blend in to that pattern. This is like one of the chapter of my life and the title of this chapter might be Grandmother and Maid. And the full stop to this very chapter indicates the beginning of a brand new chapter.

Every ending is also a beginning. 

#photo taken at Kajang High School

I caught this on my way to meet a junior of mine at the opposite block at KHS. Photography captures and freezes every moment you love. You relive that precise moment every time you look at it. And my hope at this precise moment is that my maid will reach her home safely and be shielded from miseries and sadness. 

Fate brought us together and i have a feeling that it will bring us together again. One day...

Till then, it's memories that keep feelings alive and to begin the all new chapter...

With love,

Mich

of the mourning rain

I was listening to The Band Perry's If I Die Young..and tears came rolling down..

The sight of the canopy being set out after turning the last corner to my house lot hits me without mercy. It's a week since my grandmother passed away and it never stop raining. 

The sharp knife of a short life..

Out of a sudden, i feel pointless..

All alone in this chilly weather.. it's so weird, Chinese New Year is just around the corner, it should be warm, but instead, it's cold..

So many feelings spinning around but no words matches exactly how i feel..This doesn't even feel right at all !

Mich.

p/s : what you're going through is like reflecting what i went through.. just another passer by, guard your heart well, sweet one !

unforgivable moment

#photo taken by: Fene Ng

There is a knock on the door

No one.

There is this grasp at the heart

No beat.

Stranded in this isolated world of my own,

I can't seem to find my way out..

Struggling is futile,

Escaping is pointless.

The cheering crowd that increase as time ticks by

is deceiving me

If i give in to the illusions you create

It's because i am trapped within my own lies.

There is a silhouette under the moonlight

Nothing much.

There is this sweetness in the air

Nothing else.

Your string of thoughts are ocean-deep

I can't seem to find my way in.

There are questions to be answered and

To be left unasked.

The crowd will have to dismiss themselves;

Though the show never even started.

If the curtains are to fall apart...

The world will see that my illusions and your lies

Will leave my heart wounded.

Footnote:

i don't know what led to this ... i mean know what inspired (OTL) this, but i dunno what led to this emo..Oh well..forget bout' it.

Anyway....this post...seems rubbish-ish (OTL) to me....>.<

IDK

plainly trying to express my feelings at this moment. Sigh.

Original time of this blog draft: 26 Dec 10 11.12 p.m.

Mich

p/s: a comment will do to cheer me up =P

of delayed post, devours and missings...

Hey peeps! LOL..another rambling post of mine..sigh!  It's 21 December already. 4 more sleeps and it's Christmas!!! Weee...well, i suppose it will be another Christmas with my parents..OTL. But i had an early celebration at my sister's church which was really fun..haha..! Knowing the fact that she actually feels belong there, it warms me up..=)

 Last Wednesday..i went out with my "baby"! i know i know, it's long ago and i actually delayed until now only cram everything in one post..SORRY! 

of seniors, graduations and separations!

a pic took by a malay senior

The Upper Six Graduation yesterday was very successful! Congrats too all seniors. Haha..all looked frigging good and supposedly hot! Don't expect any photo's yet, cause' the camera's with my friend and her comp broke down... And it's really a miracle I didn't cam-whore at all yesterday! Don't know why, just don't feel like it...  

Nicky

okay...so this is the video of my nicky as promised...lol

and i miss...

Sitting in the morning class of History
Listening to the laughter of classmates and the teacher's voice
Everything seems so fine and ordinary
Just like the normal daily routine of the week
But something's obviously amiss
Because something's missing
Some feelings are gone
This ticklish sensation remains
And i miss the way we talk,
like we've known each other for six summers
And i miss the way you say "Tell me something i don't know about you",
like you're forbidding our conversation to reach its end
And i miss the way you tease,
like you're reading my mind, telling me that i'm wrong
And i miss your smiles and the way you care
The things you did and the things you said,
were once miraculously so significant
But time flies leaving memories behind
Like summer leaving without a word
Shredding every leaf with its hope
And it's cold but you'll never know.