Tuesday, April 17, 2012


Do you ever for once, just once, appreciate the fact that you're having me as who I am ? Appreciate the fact that I'm just an average, maybe slightly abnormal girl who don't do drugs or do any other stupid stuff besides just being a book freak or an emotional freak ?

At times,  I have my own emotions, I'm only human. I sulk, I throw tantrums. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful for what I have, you know. I just hope, maybe for a split second that you can somehow really really really and sincerely put my thoughts and feelings into consideration and not just complain that I'm ungrateful. Just maybe .. you know .. once ? I don't know what to do to make you feel proud of having me when nothing I do seems to please you .. 

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes, make you feel unpretty too. I was told that I was beautiful, but what does that mean to you ?

My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'


Just this once, don't talk to me about this post, at all.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Untitled #4

Changing is good. Knowing you've changed is even better. Unless you've changed not for the better but worse. There's this weird feeling that surges in my mind. 

I've changed

I can't specify what about me has change, but I know there's certainly something about me is different. I can feel it .. I know this sound a tad bit stupid since everything's changing all the time and we're always oblivious to changes most of the time. But this time, it's different. 

I've a feeling that the way I feel things is different now. It can be just a temporary thing or .. I don't know .. permanent ? 

How does it feel to have this sudden gush of adrenaline that quickens your heartbeat, rushing blood to your cheeks. I miss my old self. The girl who believed in happily ever after stories. I still do believe, just that the stories stop revolving around me .. it's a scene where you watch from far. A glimpse into someone else's life.  The first time you fall, it was okay .. all you had to do is gather up yourself and stand even taller. But when it's the second time you fall, it's not okay .. you pick yourself up and you hold tight to yourself. Your mind takes over your heart. 

I think I've lost something .. I don't know if it will ever come back ! I don't know if I want it back. 

Yours truly,


Sunday, April 1, 2012

The one who stays.

I've been reading The Time Traveler's Wife again. If I'm asked to choose my favorite couple from different novels, it'd be Clare Abshire and Henry DeTamble. I don't know why but I just find this story amazingly romantic and yet heart clenching. It's somehow magical too. I guess it's very my type of story.

Clare meets Henry for the first time when she was six and Henry, thirty-eight in 1977. Henry meets Clare for the first time in 1991 when he was twenty eight and Clare was twenty. I know it sounds pretty absurd. But ever since I first read this book, I fell in love with this couple. She knew her husband for her whole life because Henry's older self time travels back to her childhood. And I love the fact that when she finally meets him in here and now when he was twenty eight and she was twenty .. he turns out to be a selfish asshole and not the man she thought she knew. She never gave up and watches him slowly turn into the man she has been loving for all her life. It's just .. breathtakingly beautiful.

Alright, by now you'd be thinking to yourself, that sucks .. it's creepy. That's you, not me .. I mean .. you have to really read this book to understand what it says. I love how the author tries to instill her concept of how things happen in one way and only once.

It's sad being the one that always stays behind and waits. She asks ; Why is love intensified by absence ? 

Anyway, I completely forgot that I've asked my friends out today and they ended up waited for me outside my workplace and then dragged me out. What an epic fail I had there. Lol. Almost cashless and in a beyond -imaginable-not-dressed-up state. Still, I had fun with the two of them. It's always nice to hang out with them.

We've been through the topic of what kind of guys we want. And I told them opposite attracts. Like always, the topic somehow steers to acceptable age gap and smartness. I don't need to say much about the age gap.  If you're a stalker, you know enough. But smartness, they both agreed that they'd want someone smarter. Who wouldn't ? But this smartness thing, I think it's kind of subjective. Lol, because for me, as long as he can do stuff that I can't, he's smart.

IF I have a boyfriend, a typical Saturday'd be with him, perhaps loiter around in a shopping mall or catch a movie or return home to cuddle up in a couch while watching my chick flicks or his favorite movie and I can fall asleep like a pig. For now, a typical Saturday night will be returning home after hanging out with my girls, take a hot shower, change into pajamas, some good music and a good book in hand or a good movie.

Doesn't take much to realize how much of a hopelessly boring human being on Earth I am huh ? Lol. Hopeless romantic too. 

This is so like my favorite quote from Need You Now ; Guess I rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

Not much of an update but just to let you know the blogger is not dead yet. :P Anyway, after several attempts on keeping a diary, I'm trying again. So far so good, so yeah .. !


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