Thursday, March 31, 2011

my immortal

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears..
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave..
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone !

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real..
There's just too much that time cannot erase !

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone..

the emo freak,


p/s : I want an iPod Touch !

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

of cupcakes and test

Hoola !

Yesterday was a friend's birthday. Uhmm.. felt kind of guilty because i didn't know until the others told me. Fail ! Well, anyway, we bought a box of custom designed cupcakes for her. It's crazy delicious ! =D

#cupcakes from Vanilla <3

#custom designed cupcakes !

#this is mine, a gift box cupcake =)

#still mine XD

#both mine...heh

It's really tasty, but the icing is kinda oily, though ! It was my friend's idea to get the cupcakes, umm..i pay only ! Haha.. but anyway, using cupcakes for simple celebration is awesome ! Really.. you don't have to cut them like you cut a birthday cake and then clean up the mess birthday cakes usually leave. This is simple and fast and yummy and chaos-less ! XD 

But if we're celebrating OUTSIDE school grounds, chaos-less and simplicity is definitely out of the picture .. Heee !

Anyways, as mentioned in this post's title, the MUET mid-year paper is just around the corner, in this case, literally ! Next Monday is speaking test.. OMFG ! The school just issued the "tickets" to us yesterday morning. 
Must bring this along to sit for the exam. I need to pray hard that i won't in any case lost it or forget to bring it. For the speaking test on Monday, i'm glad that they grouped me into the same group with my class' monitor. He speaks well. The other two candidates are from the next class and one of them is my friend .. TEEHEE ! Hopefully everything will be okay ! My teacher told us that we'll be doing reading,writing and listening one shot on Saturday. It must be crazily exhausting ! 

#see.. this is what i do when i'm forced to attend boring workshops !

Lol..I ditched school today and planned to study, they were having this study group workshop for us. I know better than to waste my time sitting in the library, study group simply don't work for me ! *shrugs* But my study plan failed ! My mother dragged me to the wet market(the big one in KL) this morning .. Sigh !(fail reason, i know !) Maybe will be ditching Thursday too. Haha.

Till then. 

Lotsa love,


Saturday, March 26, 2011

in need of this and that

Hoola hoola !

I was wondering if i ever mentioned that i've recently fallen in love with coffee. I was never a fan of coffee. I used to dislike the taste and the smell ! But recently, i begin to like coffee ! Hmm.. i don't know why, but maybe it's because of the lame theory about people changing so and so .. So, yeah ! I'm officially declaring my latest liking of coffee here in my blog .. OTL

#this is of course not my first cup of coffee .. like d-uh !
This is a yummilicious cup of white coffee from a stall near my area ! It's crazily awesome .. =) It tasted like cappuccino ! Heh ..

You realize i edited this photo with a very lomo-ish effect... ? *evil smile* Hehehehe .. I want a lomo camera so dang much .. sigh ! And i'm still debating whether to get a ...

#photo taken from : lomo-crewz
Not the doll of course, but this NeinGrenze 5000 T !!! or ...

#photos taken from : google
This is a Polaroid CAMERA using cheap polaroid films !!!! ohhhh... isn't it adorable ???!!! >< It's too adorable i'm gonna DIEEEE !!!

Okay .. enough of my wantings..

I'm still saving money for either ! T__T any advance birthday money-giving are welcome and if you're considering getting the very nice me a birthday gift, convert it to cash instead.. just saying .. OTL

Do you still remember one of my recent post about hope letters to Japan ? Well, i came across with this guy(a very famous one indeed) that did something so meaningful that it captivated lots of attention .. You know who i'm talking bout ?

yes, i'm talking about him ..

Ryan Higa - #honkforjapan

And this people in Japan definitely found out what he did for them because this very video was on a Japanese news ! =) Congrats to Ryan ! 

It has been awful lately, what with disasters here and there and war being launched at Libiya just to capture one person ! Prayers are needed everywhere .. if you can't donate or whatsoever, pray for them .. ! 

Another story in my life goes this way : April's MUET is just around the corner and my class haven't even begin on group discussion, but the teacher briefed those who are taking this test la.. >< I'm a bit scared !! Sigh .. 

Lotsa love, 


p/s : i'm glad my blog is a very personalized blog with scattered bits about my life instead of a dictionary blog =P

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

of being emo and regrets

on the way home, i was chatting away with a junior of mine. we talked about regrets .. ! specifically regretting knowing someone in our life. i told him, i have no regrets in that aspect. 

i somehow think that, everything happens for a certain reason and it only happens in one way. that pretty much explains why "if" doesn't really exist. that applies to people i meet in my life too. you meet one person at a time, and that's the only person you will meet in one way or the other. that person exist in your life for a certain reason, no matter how small that reason can be. hitherto, i never regretted knowing a person in my life. not really. but there are, of course, time when i would think, what if i never know this person ? that's just a thought. 

i don't know why, fatigue found me, through my feelings and also physically .. feeling so emo recently ! and guess what, i hate this feeling .. can you please take it away ? just this time ?



p/s : and yes, i never regretted knowing you, too.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

of little action and big meaning

Hey there !

I bet everyone already know about what Japan is going through.. I felt helpless for not being able to help, but i came across with this web Hope Letters ! It's a website that collects encouraging messages from all around the world and the admin will eventually translate it to Japanese so that everyone there can read. If you can't donate but feel bad for Japan, leave your message for the emergency workers and also the innocent children there !

#screenshot #1

#screenshot #2 

#screenshot #3
#screenshot #4

It takes only a few seconds, if you can afford to COMMENT on some rambling blog post i'm pretty sure you can leave a message here right ? This little action might seem useless or meaningless but your kind words will eventually motivate them to look brightly and once again have faith in their almost ruin life !

And if you want to know more about what is happening right at Japan, there's this guy who lives in Japan that reports to Mr. Jam's blog post updating readers there about on-the-spot infos. His name's Chamin. (his COMMENTS.)

Here is the link for you to leave them a message : Hope Letters

Hope you can do at least this..

Lotsa love,


Sunday, March 13, 2011

of a little this and that

It's Sunday and guess what, the beginning of the first semester break ! Yoohoo ! Guys out there, you can date me now !! LOL.. Honestly, though it's a break but the holiday is kinda pack with lotsa assignments and the research and develop report too. Sigh ! But the highlight of the whole holiday is a visit to Mummy's place by the end of the week.. haha..the end of the holiday too ! OTL

#darken sky

this is the piece of sky out side my house, random shot ! I really think it would have been better without that wire or whatever you call it there.

Yesterday was the day we had a kind of big ceremony for my grandmother - some Chinese's tradition/law/custom..etc. It was raining though.. Anyways, went to The Mines and Jusco Cheras Selatan with my family just now.

My parents had their first Subway sandwiches at The Mines..Like everyone or almost everyone, their first Subway sandwich were candid and epic..haha..clumsy laa ! I lazy wanna take photo of their look eating the sandwich, hopefully you guys can imagine it !  We went The Mines because my sister needed to buy a luggage for her job trip. Her company is having this expo thingy at Guangzhou, China that wants her to tag along. She's now packing for the one week trip in her please !! (p/s : You can now get anything as a souvenir for your friends as long as it is marked MADE IN CHINA...XD)

And then we dropped by Jusco and my parents bought this ladygaga ladyship essence extractor which is actually a bloody high-tech juice/food blender. It can blend whatever you put inside including orange or lemon along with the skin !
#essence extractor
My mother(me too actually..heh) is kinda excited to try out this blender that can literally blend anything into liquid form ! It seems to me that my mother is gonna liquefy our breakfast ! I hope she won't liquefy our dinner too ... OTL yucksss !

Sam was the one who exposed me to photography and digital-slrs ! Explaining all the shutter and lens stuff to me.. And i was then falling in love with this ability to preserve precious moments in a shot..But due the my total random-ness, I love lomography !!!! Haha..i came across with a blog that sells lomo cameras online ! I'm so dead and is wanting a lomo camera so dang much !!!!! T___T sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh !!! perhaps a Minimo-X or NG5000T ??? wahhh ! i want one please ! this is an epic tragedy...

To be honest, this update was supposed to be my thoughts about the latest disaster at Japan.. I watched the raw videos of the catastrophe, it was devastating.. at their homes and my heart. And the news just now was about videos of the disaster that spread through youtube and the web. The most devastating part of this whole thing is, i can't believe that they're human being out there that think Japan deserve this ! Despite what happened during world war two, it's already history.. ! My prayers goes to the victims of this disaster. God bless them.

Lotsa love,


Monday, March 7, 2011

what are words - Chris Medina

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
 I'm forever keeping my angel close
the first time i listened to this song, it gave me goosebumps for no reasons..but when i listen closer, i found out why..the lyrics ! And yeah...what are words when you really don't mean them when you say them ? What are promises when you don't keep them too... ! 

i tried embedding the official video, but you won't be able to view it in blogs it here is the official video. Just listen to it closely and you'll find yourself tearing up too ! 


Sunday, March 6, 2011

of Sam Tsui and his covers

ohh ammm geee ! i'm so in love now ! i'll tell you why..(WARNING : this is a post crammed with videos of song covers !)

This guy is simply just so awesome and amazing, he has this good voice..*envy* and his covers are like, cool !

this is the first song cover that i came to know about Sam Tsui !

When i saw this video, i was guy is cool ! And that was it..but recently, someone posted a video of his cover for Britney Spears Hold it Against Me.

i love this version of Hold it Against Me just so dang much ! =)

Maybe many people out there loath him(for WHAT ??) but i really think that he's awesome and amazing ! At least, he can sing and his videos are nice to watch too ! After watching this video, i love this song so much ! Heh..

but this is the song that he had me..XD a remix of MJ's song ! this is just so dang cool ! 

next is my latest EXPLOSION medley (CAUTION ! Contains : firework, grenade, dynamite)

my heart exploded with his voice...XDXD and guess what ? I downloaded it !!! weee !

*tears*  a all new feeling for me about this song..(too emo recently, sorry !)

and this is so touching ! i've always love Imagine and he had me falling in love with this song again ! <3 tell me, how can i not fall in love with him..weeee ! i wanna sing...sing...sing !(better not..)  He can sing so well and i'm now wondering why isn't he in any of the GLEE episodes ? Well, i think it's only a matter of time !!! tee hee.. ! 

-rants starts here(you can leave now..heh)-

i begun to think that, oh..i should have gone to Mid Valley with my friends on Saturday.. ! why on earth i canceled that plan just because..ewww ! I missed the expo and the chance to have a look at my darling..sigh. But despite i ditched my friends, he still took a photo of my darling for me..kinda touch..LOL....XD

hmmm...i'm planning a visit to Mid Valley during the one week semester break that's just around the corner with myself since Nan is not free ! I might just catch a movie, hang around in MPH and grab a cup of mocha..
Ahhh.. tempting, very tempting ! Only if i can convince my mother to let me go alone.. =) pray for me, readers !

Anyways, since the one week break is so dang near, this coming week must be a personal hell for have to study and attend class and...worst of all...RESULTS ! aww...shucks ! I will survive this like i survived so many other stuff =)

Like my bestie said, i'm awesome in my own way and there'll be someone to go crazy about me one day..though she's exaggerating..but..owhh..she actually touched me and pushed me forward. Seriously, apart from my family members, what will be of me without her in my life.. ? Thankie thankie !! 

Lotsa love,


p/s : Getting use to certain absence..

Friday, March 4, 2011


i wanted to blog about Earth Hour like how i did about the Pay It Forward Cause but reckon i'll need to go all over the net to drive people in to read it and i'm really not in the mood, so..allow me to be selfish this time. all i want to do is..idk, rant about stuff that no one will understand ? So, to make your life easier, you can really just move your cursor to the corner of this window with the pretty X and click it without mercy !

the test is over..but, honestly, there's nothing worth feeling free about. basically, it's just the beginning of the real war cum nightmare cum disaster cum tragedy, you decide. this test, overall was okay except from my general knowledge, don't ask me what happen because i don't even know what the hell is wrong with myself.

#i suppose this explains a lot huh ?

seriously people, anyone kind enough to just take it away please !

the first time i have this feeling that having a beating feeling heart is not really that lucky ! aww...shucks, what about coloring up my life like i said earlier.. ?  
i really wish i could be a bit more persistent with my decisions and just cut every unwanted emotions and feelings out ! Ughhhh ! and honestly, i miss that empty feeling so dang much.

by the way, i don't remember when but i have received the letter from The National Transplant Center to confirm my pledging. I've been planning to blog about it since my 18th birthday but, i don't know why, it has been delayed hitherto. Will probably do it ASAP or when i got the mood. OTL since the test is over and the semester break is just around the corner, i'll slack for..say..two days ? heh..PLL ! <3 But honestly, i'm dying to go out for a break, emotionally or whatsoever..but.. I. WILL. SURVIVE. THIS. 

sigh, you just don't understand and you never will...

Lesson learnt 101 : no use hanging on some dangling branches, you'll fall one day or the other - only harder.

Mercilessly killed,


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

of uncertainties and discoloration

perhaps a round of applause first ? It has been a few days already or maybe two days to be accurate that i did not log in to my facebook or even turn on the computer ! wait..why do i sound like a facebook addict ? Alright.

I guess i have been "super damn" emo like one of my friends called me. Maybe the stuff i posted in facebook strongly suggested that i'm emo. My sister and my friends were bombarding me with concerns and asking what's up with me. I kept my mouth shut. I'm sorry if i got you guys worrying me or even freaked you guys out. Sorry okay ?*hugs* Well, let me clear things out.

Whether you believe it or not, the test contributed somewhat like 60% of my emo-ness. Yeah. Go ahead and laugh..of all the things that contributed to my emoness is a stupid test. So not me !! I don't know, the STPM results for my senior's batch were out and teachers are telling us their grades which pretty much freaked the hell out of me. Four flats somehow become harder than i initially thought of ! And the worst part is, my teacher told me that USM is now(just in case you don't know what is USM and die die want to know...GOOGLE it ! =,=) the top university of the five u's ! Which means, they have the rights to choose students. Minimum requirement to enter that bloody university is 3.5 !!!! Hello, frigging 3.5 ! That means, the minimum mark of each paper must be at LEAST 87.5 ! 

Well, my classmates told me they don't look at the marks, only the grades, but i was thinking, if you don't look at the marks, how do you get the grades ? Wondering why am i aiming for USM ? It's the best university for journalism in Malaysia or so they said. It has nothing to do with what Nan said the housewife reason ! Not anymore, cause i don't give a damn about it anymore. 

The remaining of 40% of emo-ness is something else i don't feel like talking about and don't know how to talk about. That one, i'll let time do its job. Just don't worry about me. Really, it's just some silly and pretty stupid stuff ! You know, it's weird, life IS weird. You don't tell your problems out because you don't want people to worry for you..but even if you keep your mouth shut, they'll still worry bout' you. No difference..Sigh.

I guess it's time to bring back some colors to my life, mentally i mean..cause' i still can't wear colorful clothes, so literally, my life is still in black and white..

Cut out tomorrow, there's still one day to go until the stupid test ends ! This post was meant to be short, but it ended up so long with my ramblings ! Thumbs up if you read till the end..haha ! 

Till my next post then..<3

Lotsa love,


p/s : thank you so much for all your concerns ! *hugs* 
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