Friday, April 29, 2011

of shattering and picking up the pieces

I was told that I'm more approachable and so, when something goes wrong, people come complaining or lecturing me instead of the one who is being responsible about what went wrong. Well, come to think of it .. am i ? Maybe i am more vulnerable then i have ever thought of.

There is always someone who will knock on your door, turn around and just leave. It's easy, for those who leave, they got nothing to lose. But upon knocking on your door, it leaves your heart shattered into pieces and you'll have to pick them up and mend them back together, always hurting yourself in the process. Oh, yeah .. you can only pick up the shattered pieces, the mending part .. you will need to make an appointment with time.

I came to realize that apart from being emotionally erratic, I tend to believe what people say way too easily too. In certain ways, i trust the world too much, only certain ways ! And i guess i need to admit that i'm defenseless against words that are saturated with glucoses, sucroses and .. whatsoever. Deceiving words and people, too.

I have yet to learn the art of compromising .. of letting go things that doesn't really belong to me .. of getting a good control over my emotion .. or going head over heels into something or someone. I think i need to learn when to trust my guts and when not to too. I don't really remember when, but i was dreaming away and this thought came to me.

Aren't i suppose to be contented with the fact that .. my heart, my fragile little heart is still beating ? My brain(not much of a use though .. lol) is still functioning as normal as it should. My lungs are still inhaling and exhaling. Everyone that love me and i love is still out there some where - alive !This earth is still rotating, time is still passing and .. i'm still here..! Isn't it here and now that matters the most ? Who cares about what happened ? Who even wanna give a damn about those who already left your life willingly without even a second glance ?

I don't. And don't you dare come knocking at my door without the slightest intention of putting me back together.


p/s : Do bear in mind that hearts are not made of flesh but merely fragile glasses that break upon the slightest mistake.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Vanishing into thin air ... virtually !

Greetings, earthlings ..

I've been debating whether or not to deactivate my facebook for a very long time, since before school started ! It's like almost 5 months and i'm still actively updating my facebook status on a daily basis .. OTL The reason i gave myself was, there are announcements i can't afford to miss there. But, i guess facebook is too responsive, it's a really big distraction and i can't afford to SCREW up my results either !

#image : google
It'll be one less distraction i guess ! But, i think i can say no worries ? Cause, i'll still update my blog now and then and i still have both my twitter and plurk on ! I think those two are less distracting cause it's not as responsive as facebook is. OTL 

Anyways, if you happen to have something to say to me or tell me or inform me or whatsoever, here are some ways to reach me : 

Twitter or Plurk : @_michelicious_
Chat box in my blog(are you hovering around  this particular area for links ? D-UH ! Go look around in my blog laa !) OR, just simply comment in my blog entries, that will certainly make my day ! teehee ..

or... given that you've added me in msn or happen to have my phone number, then your life will be much easier :) kudos to those who added me in msn ! =P

I don't think any one will even give a damn actually ! Right.. so, guess it's about time i stop slacking around .. your prayers mean a lot to me ! : ) Pray that i can focus and God to enlightens me.
Oh yeah, TGIF and not only any normal Friday, hell, It's GOOD FRIDAY !!! =) God bless everyone of you out there !

Lotsa love, 


p/s : Decided to ditch class tomorrow anyway, should have gone to church with sister RIGHTTTT ! Mangkuk .. *head-desk*

Thursday, April 21, 2011

of normal and abnormal

Bonjour, earthlings !

Along with three other girl guides and our advisor, we went to SMK Taman Tasik at Ampang. Weird. I was brought up in Ampang, travelling all the way with my "combats" in the teachers car to Ampang feels different.. haha ! We had some activities with the Disabled or locally known as Orang Kurang Upaya ! (yes ! that school has a block mainly for the OKUs !)

#Nevin Prasad

He was the OKU my group had to take care of. He looks normal right ??! He IS in fact normal, physically. We think he has mild autism because, he rarely answers our questions despite we tried so hard to make him chat with us ! Worrying that we might frighten him, we asked if he likes us and he said YES ! =)

The activity the school organised for us and the OKU was station games ! We had to make sandwich, wrap gifts, do some coloring and origami flowers with them. This boy, he was so cute and nice but quiet though.. ! At least, he listens to us and occasionally tells us about how he felt. And he smiles very sweetly too.

After the activity, they had a public speaking competition. Honestly, this was the first time i participated any public speaking competition and we only had two days to prepare. I was trembling like no body's business during the prepared speech and i totally screwed up the impromptu speech and ended up 2nd place..oh well, that's okay right, for first timer.. haha !

I'm really devastated with the school's form six student council lately. Alright, maybe devastated being the word used ain't appropriate, well.. frustrated ? For me, i personally detected discrimination towards the art stream students, especially A and B class.

It has been like that not long after school started, i sucked it up since it's the norm. But when i found out that the Assistant Secretary of the council was kicked out because he ditched the activities organised by the council, i was pissed. He's my classmate and he ditched for some reasons ! He ditched only twice, and they kicked him replacing him with a new girl ! Okay, i certainly have no problem with that new girl. I like her, she's a sweet girl. But the fact that they replaced the assistant secretary with her is so unfair to the others.

Excluding those minor committee members, all major committee members gave a speech to be elected. And our seniors were still here to vote too. There are so many committees in the student council, why bring in someone and straight away give her such a post ? And kicking out the AS is really ridiculous. His reasons are all valid. Besides, he's not the only one who ditches the activities.

Next, orientation day for the coming juniors. I feel like shouting when i was informed that NO science stream students are involved and MY class alone need to ditch classes to duty for two frigging days. Reason given : Science students have practicals, they can't afford to miss classes. Hello ! Exam is like just around the corner, they need to get good results, we don't need ? Yeah, i forgot, they are all future doctors, engineers so AND so ! We're just some stupid lawyers-to-be, accountants-to-be, etc. And in the end, if Art stream's results decline for the mid-term exam, everyone will blame us ! What the heck ?! You guys have practicals like our classes are not important. How is this fair ?!

Last but not least, stop complaining that students from our class did not attend meetings or pay for the graduation. Have you ever try walking around in our shoes before ?!



Sunday, April 10, 2011

of occasional complains and whatsoever

Went to a shoe festival at PWTC with family today. Upon entering the exhibition hall, there was this grand stage which was Jimmy Choo's booth ! Really grand since he was standing there taking photos with a group of ladies. My sister was totally into this shoe festival that she bought 3 pairs of shoes from the fest. I had some fun looking at stuff while they were shoe hunting : I was totally not in the mood for shopping not to mention hunting for the perfect shoes in the midst of shopaholics ! OTL.

Will post some photos in the next blog post about the "fun" i had.

I guess i have been super emotional lately. I literally spent two nights and one morning crying like no body's business. Really. I'm not those kind of girl that blame around about how my life sucks so and so. But there is time when you want to blame the world because life is being a totally awful bitch to you no ? In addition to monthly hormone imbalance, so yeah .. I even sulk around at my parents for no reason, well not exactly NO reason.. OTL.

It's just that, i have this feeling that i'm going through the very same thing a second time. The first time, i was a kid. And i don't really give a damn about anything so i just got pass it quite easily. But this time, i am no more a kid and summing up the first time experience, i got more frustrated with .. everything ! Like, why do things have to be this way ? Why do life have to be so ridiculous.

I guess crying is good, crying allows your feelings to pour out along with the tears .. LOL. At least, i think, crying prevents me from depression. Haha .. But i guess the "virus" is not completely cleared out yet, I'm like a time bomb now, anything can trigger it to explode.

#tearing up with the lyrics too

If healing starts after a downpour style of crying, then i might as well begin healing myself now .. ! 

I'm a fool, I know that .. but i still ...

Thursday, April 7, 2011

of thorns and thoughts


Sometimes, what seems to be harmless harms you the most ..

I had my MUET speaking on Monday. The previous night was rather restless, with tosses and turnings ! To be exact, i wasn't really nervous. It was just that my mind refused to go into rest mode. My group members and I did some last minute practice right before the test, i think group discussion was fun.

The other day, i was reading the March's edition of National Geographic magazine. I came across with the world population issue. It was said that the earth's population will reach 7 billion people in this year. 7 billion. 7,000,000,000 ! 9 zeros. If you're to count to 7 billion without losing your place, it would take more than two centuries. 

This simple yet very true fact fascinated me. I counted how long 7 billion seconds take. Approximately 221 years. Who can live up to 7 billion seconds ? Things around us, if we pay close attention, it's very fascinating. Like the photo i took above. 

I saw this cactus during one of the shopping trip with my mother at a near by hypermarket. The thorns immediately deter anyone to touch it. But if you look closely at the thorns. They are not sharp, i touched them, stroked them and they remind me of furry things. Safe. But the very much favored rose ? Bites you when you think its beautiful and attracting .. mercilessly ! I guess it hurts more than anything because you didn't expect it coming. 



p/s : in case my blog is giving out overloading of negative auras, neutralize it with the Joker of the Month =p

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