Wednesday, February 23, 2011

of endings and beginnings

i know. i should be in class now having MUET. but i'm not. Before every thought slip away from my "feeble" mind, i might as well just store it here, in my external memory blog.

23rd of February 2011...

Another ordinary Wednesday, another dull routine of life perhaps ? But to me, it's an ending. Ending to a certain period in life which i have no name to label it. My family and i woke up early today. We sent our Cambodian maid to the LCC terminal to board the plane that brings her back the her original home. On the way to the airport, to be honest, i hope for only one thing, she can stay here. The urge to hold on to that very moment never cease until we leave the airport. She has been living with us for two years, taking care of my grandmother and helping my mother out with the house chores. She has become a part of the family, a familiar pattern of life that includes her.

My grandmother passed away and now that the maid left, it's like everything is back to how it used to be before my grandmother came. But i don't need anyone to tell me to know and understand the fact that nothing will ever be the same ever again. Changes. Unavoidable. Move on. Life.

When the stroke took every single freedom away from my grandmother and she had to stay with my family and the family hired a Cambodian maid that will live in my house, i used to think that these two new members are some kind of intruders. But when time passes by, you fall into a familiar pattern and they blend in to that pattern. This is like one of the chapter of my life and the title of this chapter might be Grandmother and Maid. And the full stop to this very chapter indicates the beginning of a brand new chapter.

Every ending is also a beginning. 

#photo taken at Kajang High School

I caught this on my way to meet a junior of mine at the opposite block at KHS. Photography captures and freezes every moment you love. You relive that precise moment every time you look at it. And my hope at this precise moment is that my maid will reach her home safely and be shielded from miseries and sadness. 

Fate brought us together and i have a feeling that it will bring us together again. One day...

Till then, it's memories that keep feelings alive and to begin the all new chapter...

With love,


Sunday, February 20, 2011

a blooming dream

i had a dream
a lopsided version of
the world i'm living in
what was accused wrong was right
colors were mere black and white 
with flowers blooming cheerfully
but it was pathetically just a dream.

#footnote : listening to Spirited Away's theme song : One Summer's Day. 
Nice dreams are always short.


Friday, February 18, 2011

of my tiring life and lacking of motivation

i feel so tired these days. or maybe these few days ! i've been sitting in front of the computer since Monday looking for Malacca attractions and calling up home-stay owners and bus drivers. It's not really that much of a work actually, but i really feel tired. And i still have a research and develop report that is reaching its deadline ! Gosh, why did i continue studying AGAIN ? i dont even have the mood and time for my studies ! OTL

I feel helpless or even useless, i don't feel that what i'm doing is sufficient, i keep wanting to do more and to do better. I feel restless, until everything is perfectly in order, i will still have that feeling haunting me !

i've been listening to this song over and over cause it cheers me up a lil bit ! Katy Perry's version is nicer, but Lea's not bad too ! =P

The world is turning in such a rapid pace that i doubt that i will be able to catch up with it. When i have the time to sit down and look around me, everything is so different from what i used to know. How many time in life that one has to bear in mind that things change and time flies like no body's business ? The upcoming test is  like less than two weeks away..but i still can't find my pressure button to turn the pressure on..! 

i just realize that, my world doesn't even follows the normal axis like the universe, i guess this is why i am weird.

I used to hate katy perry because of I kiss a Girl..But this song is really motivating in to my friend, JJ !

#photo credited to : Andy Yeap (purposely take it from his blog with his watermark =P)

Maybe you're the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down
Brutally jotted down by,


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Survival is a Dying Art

Initially, i wanted to name this post as of life hammer and car jack (you'll know about this later). But, i think the post title you now see is way better.

They were having some sort of exhibition about road safety in school today. They started the exhibition with talks in the hall. I can tell you that no one is really paying attention despite the one who was giving the speech is the founder of the Road Safety Department of Malaysia and also the one who got Malaysian to buckle up passenger's seat belts. (i didn't know too OTL).

But until a guy stood in front of the hall projecting images of the aftermaths of earthquakes, accidents and other disasters, the hall was almost silent. When he started to talk (he told off some random guy who didn't give a damn to pay attention), the whole hall was quiet. He's Captain Balasupramaniam or better known as Capt. Bala. He came to share his experience and and taught us the importance of surviving disasters or any form of accidents. And he introduced us to a small but life-saving device : Life Hammer !

#key chain version
#bigger hand-held version

To be honest, i didn't even know what is a life hammer before today !! But now i know. The small one, pink color one, it can cut seat belts and break windows in case of emergency ! The big one has an addition of SOS lights.

He told us how he saved lives using these small tools. During a car accident, the seat belts are not likely to release and its very hard to cut, but this little thing can do the job perfectly. And it breaks windows so that you can escape not only out of your car but also out of a burning building.

# a car jack

Capt. Bala explains to us that a car jack can also help save lives ! Not only to change tires but to help release casualties that are in anyways trapped between gaps or gates and so on.

That was a very short talk he gave but the most knowledgeable one ! Apart from this two tools (he's not a salesman laa !), he taught us on how to evaluate if a car that catches fire still can be save and what to do if you encounter a car that is about to explode but you there's no way you can run ! =) If only more Malaysians are to be exposed to this kind of speech, the accident and dying rate will be much lower..Because with all these knowledge, they won't just stop their car and WATCH what is going on instead of helping ! =,=

Graduates might be everywhere, but not all of them possess surviving skills ! Not even the basic ones.

Summing up all my babbles, Captain Bala's speech is pretty much appreciated ! And i added the life hammer to my Mich-List..hahahaha ! Wondering if i should make it as a gift to my family members too..LOL !

Had dinner with my family at Sri Petaling yesterday ! AWESOME ! And yes, it was with nicky too ! Hehe..

And whoops...the frequency of my posts is kinda bombarding no? Sigh...who cares...i SS only...=X

Lotsa love,


#Mana ada bala, di situ ada Bala =D

Monday, February 14, 2011

of chocolates and roses

It's 14 of February, Valentine's day ! To singles like me, it's just another day unless this day changes your status from being single to in a relationship, heh ! But to those who are actually celebrating Valentine's Day, don't you think it's the day or season where you have to spend loads of money ? The roses and chocolates are more expensive and restaurants are crowded too..

Sigh, i'm not in love or in a relationship, so i can say like that...haha ! Anyways, the interact club of my school was selling roses at 5 ringgit per stalk and the girl guides were selling chocolates ! Very valentine indeed ! =)

One of my friend ordered 8 stalk of roses and i was wondering why. He told me he will prepare the 9th himself. This morning, he brought a fake rose and added it in the middle of the bouquet of 8 roses. I thought it was silly given that the fake rose is kind of ugly. But when i found out the meaning, it turns every feeling about that ugly fake rose until the last stalk dies ! I know it's freaking lame, but i think it's soooo sweet ! heh...

#took this in the bus, that's why blur. *spot the fake rose*

I was kind of tired in class today. I literally slept in most of the classes except from MUET..OTL ! But after school, my friends decided that we have "lou sang" at Sushi King to "celebrate" the single day ! Hahaha .. 

#we ordered the large one and it was cheap !

#it was freaking delicious !(weird though, having lousang for valentine's day)

Hmmm...even looking at the picutres now, i'm craving for it's nice ! We sat away from the rotating bar when we had this, after finishing the "lousang", we requested to move our seats to the rotating bar...heh ! Even though Sushi King is not the best place for Japanese cuisine and sushis, it's the nearest and easiest for us around this Kajang, temporarily satisfied my sashimi and sushi cravings ! =D

Apart from this so called celebration, my junior gave me a bar of toblerone chocolate. He slipped a hand-written note into it too !
#tahahaha..the note !

I purposely took it blurly so that you can't read what's written in it !! It's sweating ! He called me a kind RABBIT-looking girl !  haha.. he's such a nice friend and great junior =) though a bit sentimental...haha !

I didn't take any photos of the chocolate because it literally melted into liquid form when i got home ! OTL 

I've been laughing so hard since last Friday day that my laugh nerves are now easily triggered and hard to stop !! super OTL ! 

However, tomorrow is a public holiday and i'm kinda forced to go back to my hometown at Bentong ! I heard that it's super duper ultra dirty ! I'm 100% sure that i'll start scratching like a monkey when i sit down ! Ugh ! God, i pray to you that you make the visit short !!!

Hmmm...i guess that's all for today..hee ! Happy Valentine's Day peeps !!!!!

Lotsa love,


#footnote : Never take a person for granted. Hold every person close to our heart cause we might wake up one day and realize that we've lost a diamond while we were too busy collecting stones.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

of love and time...

They were passing around handouts at school this morning when i got there. Usually, this kind of handouts end two ways : rubbish bin or recycle bin. But the title captivated me - Love and Time.

#image by : google

Ready for a story time ? =) I guarantee it's worth your time !

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived : Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge and others including Love. One day, it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all feelings constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.
When the island almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said : Can you take me with you?
Richness answered : No, I can't ! There's a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There's no place for you.

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. 
Love : Vanity, please, help me !
Vanity : I can't, Love ! You're all wet and you might damage my boat.

Sadness was close by, so Love asked : Sadness, let me go with you.
Sadness : Oh, Love, I'm so sad that i need to be by myself !

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was too happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice : Come, Love, I will take you. It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way. Realizing how much she owed the elder, Love asked Knowledge, another elder : Who helped me ?
Knowledge : It was Time.
Love : Time ? Why did Time help me ?
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered : Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is... 

#image : google

Because only time is capable of understanding how valuable love is... 

I was quite awed after reading this short story that took me less than 10 minutes to finish. Maybe it's not that special-the story- but it's like sort of enlightened me. When i look around me, i couldn't help but start wondering one thing : What is love ?

And how many out there really understand what love is ? It dawned upon me that, I, in so many ways, haven't really understand what love is. Time is still teaching me and am still gladly learning that love is not only mere affection. 

=) work loads are lining up now ! What with societies reports(secretary) and trips to organize ! I don't have the time to actually catch up with those left out chapters of my literature novels and short stories ! Ughh...a minor test is just around the corner and i already can feel failure gripping my limbs !!!!!

Lotsa love,


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

of dinner with family and a visit from the unknown

Last Sunday which was also the fourth day of CNY, i had dinner with mummy, daddy, my sisters and also my brother in law ! And of course my nephew ! Ohh, it was such a long time since i last saw him. He's so big now that he looks more and more like my brother in law !

#cute ? that's nicky and my brother in law !

#nicholas in red !

#photos taken  by : Labelle

He's the king in my family now ! Whenever my sister scold him or punish him, he'll get my dad, his grandfather ! The new devil ! I simply love his smile ! He has two dimples and looks so sweet whenever he smiles ! Chubby little boy..=)

Like I've said in my previous post, i'm being born in a traditional Chinese-Taoism family. Most Chinese know about this tradition that when someone passed away, there will be a certain night where the spirit will pay the livings a visit. 

Last night was the night my beloved grandmother's "visit" night. Maybe you'll think that all these are superstitious. Before last night, i thought that this "visit" is just a ceremony thingy, just for the sake of culture practices. Despite this thought, i was scared after hearing tonnes of rumors about this "visit". 

The sifu told us that she will be coming back at 9 o'clock at night and leave at 1 o'clock in the morning. We have to prepare everything(food and some other stuff) before 8.45 and retreat to our rooms and never leave it. Apart from being chicken, my sister and i slept with my parents so that we can use their toilet without having to leave our rooms. I'm not going into details about what happened last night to freak readers out. But after last night, i'm pretty sure that those are not merely rumors.

By the way, class started this week and i realize i've once again lost my study mood ! I feel like i left out a lot of syllabus ! As for my research and development, i'm being assigned to the most perfect teacher you can ever get ! When everyone is almost done, my group did nothing, not even one successful meeting so far and the deadline is this month ! OTL 




Friday, February 4, 2011

of a quiet chinese new year

First of all, i changed my header again...! Since i have no place to go on the first day of the grand Chinese New Year, i decided to change my header again ! But this time, it only took me less than 20 minutes.. whatever.. !

#this is my old header

When i gloriously show my sister my new header, she told me the old one was nicer...OTL..
But i personally like the new one...I'm growing to like peach..instead of the ultimate girl colour - pink !

This CNY is really boring since my family and i cannot visit other relatives' house (in case you don't know why, my grandmother just passed away a week before CNY). Well, only i'm bored cause' my siblings all went for outings with their friends.. It's weird, all my friends are going back to their hometown this year.. =X So, i was literally rotting at home on the first day of CNY.

But the second day- today.. i went for a movie with my family, bringing along my Cambodian maid... My parents sleep early so we chose to watch the afternoon session of All's Well Ends Well..(the english name of this movie is tongue twisting). The hall was surprisingly quite full.

It's a romantic comedy about make ups by Louis Koo, Donnie Yen, Cecelia Cheung, Carina Lau and Chapman To. Maybe I expected too much of this movie.. or maybe it has been a long time since i last watched a hong kong comedy(i just watched one last night though...). I found that Hong Kong comedies nowadays doesn't really have any strong points. But overall it's funny laa. In case you haven't watch, what i'm about to say is gonna be a spoiler to you.. I like the part where Donnie Yen actually showed his Ip Man kungfu skills through making up for a bunch of aunties !

And the next part i like the most is Chapman To performing the above "song" in the form of a woman..My sister and i seriously laughed our heads off !!! But i seriously don't know the real meaning behind this "song" ! 

Okay, here comes my most-loved part : "The best cosmetic in this world is confidence !" Louis Koo. I can't agree more with him ! The best quote of this movie ! This movie is funny if you want a laugh ! And loads of celebrity guess-starring in it...Overall, worth watching ... =)

Took some photos at the mall..out of boredom, really...heh..

#red lantern

#mini "chinatown"



#letterings that i dont really und...=X

Most of the flowers or i guess all the flowers are fake actually...^^" but hell, it looks real no ? 

My usual way of celebrating CNY was going back to my hometown at Bentong, that was ancient ! I don't really remember when was the last time my family and i went back for CNY since my grandmother lives with us. Now that she's gone, i doubt we will go back anymore like we used to. Another way will be going back to my mum's place ! That's the common one. The first 3 days would be spent with family visiting relatives, after that would be outings with friends. But CNY break used to be long, this year's short ! (thx god !)
Being born in a traditionally chinese-taoism family, there are "pantang-larangs" that we must follow. And i guess this must be the first the CNY that i am allow to wear black and also wash my hair on the first day of CNY because we are in the 100 days of mourning for my grandmother. No striking and warm color clothes. But there are exceptions - working, school..etc. Cutting hair in this 100 days is an ultimate and big NO NO ! Thus, this must be the longest length i've ever kept ! OTL

To those who are happily celebrating CNY out there, wish you all a great and prosperous rabbit year ! =) 

#glorious illustration by : Joshua Yap

My classmates were saying that i'm eating rabbit food and now my junior said i look like a rabbit...oh well...! Uhm... can rabbit be pretty ? heh !

Lotsa love,


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

it's raining

#photo taken: A rainy day at KHS 2010

it's raining outside
the serene noise of the pouring rain
a sweet rhythm that follows by the chill in the air
with the soft scribbling noise of ball pen against paper
i am sitting here, sending my mind away
stealing some time to torture myself
with a distant heart

it's raining outside
the comforting smell of the dampen earth
a delicate scent that stays temporarily in the air
with the low humming whispers of relaxed students
i am standing here, my senses taking full control
feelings clutching my erratic heart
with a mind that wanders off too far

it's raining outside
the breeze simply brushes by
leaving me shivering with a mind
thinking of you.

#footnote : was flipping through my journal or rather, notebook and found this left out "poem" dated back on 6 of January. 
It's first of February, two more sleeps away from Chinese New Year..this CNY break is so short ! I need more time to settle my feelings and my school stuff. Sigh. One word to describe my current feelings : L.O.S.T.

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