Sunday, September 26, 2010

Fun friends? Close friends?

I guess, I've been really emotional lately in Facebook.  With my colloquium, some stuff and "someone" to bother me. I doubt that I will have any good mood. One of my friend asked, why am I so emo and suggested that I hang out and have fun with my friends to distract myself. This is ironic. Because, till then only I realize that, I don't really have any friends that I could have fun with. Well, Nandy. I have a bunch of girl friends. But none as close. Not to mention hang out and have fun! I remember when I was still in Engku Husain, I had fun with Sam, Nandy, Ayumi and John. Those are friends where I can really laugh with and enjoy with. I don't know, I laugh too with my other friends, it's just that, I couldn't really recall a proper time where we really hang out and enjoy thoroughly like Nandy and I used to. Yeah, Jocelyn is also another friend who I enjoy going out with. But she's leaving soon enough.

I guess, there's really loads of stuff going on messing around with my mood lately. I feel like crying. I feel pathetic. I can't find answers to my questions! My emotions in these very moment is really screwed up and, and I don't know what the hell is going on with me!!!!! I feel like screaming, shouting! Damn, Nandy, I miss you like hell!! I don't know it this time!! I don't know how to deal with all the things this time! I don't know how to get  over it this time! I don't know how to distract myself this time! I really miss my high school life now. I remember those distractions I used to have with Chee Sit, Keat and you playing basketball! I remember Zizi and Afiq joking around in class! And I remember having you everyday in MY LIFE. Why am I having this feeling that everything is changing too rapidly that I can't catch up with it. Isn't this hilarious? My life is changing in a pace where I fail to keep up with. My life is leaving me behind it.

Nandini, where are you?


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Hard time

It's pathetic that you can't get a grip on your mood. I'm trying hard to brace with what's going on with me. You have to let yourself to experience a certain emotion before you can detach yourself from it...the thing is, the amount of pain you have to go through when you allow yourself to indulge in that emotion is always the worst part.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Me and my books..xD

I don't have pics but i embedded short clips from To Kill a Mockingbird film adaptation:



Okay, it was 11 something when I drafted this post on my notebook. Pretty blur cause’ headache-ing too..>.<! Okay, I’m this type of human where when the feeling’s here, I just have to jot it down or it will probably slip away with sleeping.

Hehe, I was reading To Kill a Mockingbird. I’m about to finish it. 10 pages or maybe less than that left. Yeah, reading in a slow pace. What else can I do when there are all these distractions like facebook, plurk and etc. Well, it’s a nice book. Good reading piece. I remember asking my friend why is the title To Kill a Mockingbird? Why mockingbird. Now I know, mockingbird symbolizes innocence. Atticus said, no matter how noble a man is, but if he took advantage of the ignorant, he’s nothing but trash. This book, it puts you in the perspectives of an innocent girl about Americans and the colored folks back in 1936 if I’m not mistaken.

Some people might think: Michelle, why are you reading all these now? Should have read it earlier! But to me, this is exactly about the right time for me to go through these entire genres. I mean I’m 18. The age where I’m turning from a silly, stupid girl to a girl with brains. LOL. I guess I no longer read to bring myself into a world full of fantasies away from realities. I’m now looking for books that will make me think I guess. But come to think of it, if Jane Austen’s books happen to be published now, wouldn’t it be categorize as chicklits? xD I guess I’ve passed those times where I’m after fantasies and fang-tastics. Hehe. My next target will be Mitch Albom since Nandy refused to lend me hers. But he will have to wait until I finish my Jane Austen. A long way to go… I realize, the way you look at books changes as you grow. I probably might end up boxing To Kill a Mockingbird away if I happen to read it a few years back. So, I came to the conclusion that, maybe the House of Night series aren’t that bad after all. Hehe. Maybe one day, one day I might just pick up Narnia from the book rack and end up liking it. But for the time being, I still think the movie’s better. LOL. I don’t know. My sister told me that Narnia was written base on the Bible. So maybe a few years later, I might be able to take it in maturely. I might also be able to link “the air is delicious” with Christianity too. Just kidding. No offence intended. Ohh crap! I seriously hope Jodi Picoult would stop writing. I really don’t know how long it is until I get back to her. Imagine the amount of book she has written until I get back to her…! Nicholas Spark, I’ll just get it from Nandy. Hehe….

I reckon she must be complaining that I’m not lending her my books while I still expect her to lend me hers. I think this habit won’t change for a long time. She knows best about me and my books. Better take my pacemaker out of me than getting me to lend you my books, right Nandy? Sam would laugh at this!

P/s: My phone's still not home pics..T.T


Thursday, September 9, 2010

WE move on. WE change.

I went to the Book Fest at KLCC. It was nice. I bought six novels in a row completing my Jane Austen’s collection. Hehe… includes To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee. Like I said… I’m going through classics lately! It’s been a really long time since I met Nandini… And we came to the conclusion that both of us changed a lot. Mentally I guess.

Everyone and everything’s changing. We’re no longer as crazy like we used to. Maybe I’m not in the mood but it’s definitely not because we’re running out of topics. Like she said, she no longer feels like being the one who’s doing all the talking. I guess both of us would rather be a listener now. Everything’s changing and people moves on. To me, the main reason everyone drifts apart is they're leading a way too different lifestyles and they no longer have anything in common. She seems upset by this and I told her: You’ve got two choices. A) Leave me and move on. B) Move on with me. Honestly, I think changes and moving on are no big deal if we’re doing it in the same frequency, doing it together. There are saying that goes this way; distance kills relationships. I think that it all depends on how thick is the bond in that relationship. Since we’re miracle twins, I doubt that our friendship will be that fragile.


There’s one thing I want you to know. It’s really easy being with you. Not like with my any other friends, I feel belonged when I’m with you. Though, you’re really irritating sometimes! LOL… Like we always say: We have so many things in common yet we’re so different from each other. And we think in the same wavelength don’t we? We never know what might happen next like I always say, we will enjoy while we’re still at it. I love you and am working hard to keep our friendship go on forever. We’ll change together. We’ll move on together! XOXO


Thursday, September 2, 2010

Fragile Life...

31st August 2010 marks the darkest day of a family. A schoolmate of mine passed away after a severe asthma attack. I was so taken aback when May San told me; Winnie, from my class passed away yesterday. I took a few seconds to figure out who she meant. I’m not close to her. Just a hi-bye friend. She was a tall girl with long hair and a in my opinion a rather boyish character. When I was told that she passed away, I felt sorry for her family and also for her loss… Yes, her loss! She, like me and my other friends are just eighteen. The age where possibilities are everywhere around us but her rights to all these possibilities and her own life are being taken away once and for all! Her seat would forever be vacant. We’ll no longer see her waiting for bus at the bus stop with us. There will be someone missing in her group of friends walking pass my class to the toilet. This somehow reminds me the importance of appreciating life while we’re still at it.

To smile while I can, cry while I still have the chance and love while my heart still beats. We never know what’s coming next. Really, we should take hold of every chance we have. How worst can an outcome be when death is waiting for us no matter what? Screw up your exam? Rejected by someone? At least you’ve tried! If you die the next moment after you’ve given it a try, you’ll have one thing less to regret about your life!  But if it’s the other way around, you’ve got nothing! NOTHING at all! You have no rights to say you can’t without even trying as you are the one living, not the one dead! You’re still breathing, you still have a tomorrow!

Don’t wait till everything’s too late to even feel sorry, live like you’re dying.

Life’s too fragile for you to say you can’t…


4.18 pm

1st of September 2010
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