Untitled #5

I wonder if my brain could permit me to have a vacation away from it. It thinks too much .. on its own. 
And it often makes me detest myself, for so many things. 
Why did I chose to not believe your feelings at that time? Why did I trusted what someone else said and broke my promise? I should have asked you myself there and then. Not now.
If I had the courage to trust you, maybe I wouldn't be trapped in this situation. 
Things happen for a reason, and things happen only in one way because "If" do not really exist. If I could rewind time, I'd do whatever I can to undo those hurt and damages. 
But who am I fooling. It's getting dark and thing's are getting late. I'm more than 25 minutes too late.

.. If you'd just know what you mean to me. 
I'm aneh sorry even though it's too late to apologize. 
The overthinker,
Mich

Unpretty

Do you ever for once, just once, appreciate the fact that you're having me as who I am ? Appreciate the fact that I'm just an average, maybe slightly abnormal girl who don't do drugs or do any other stupid stuff besides just being a book freak or an emotional freak ?

At times,  I have my own emotions, I'm only human. I sulk, I throw tantrums. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful for what I have, you know. I just hope, maybe for a split second that you can somehow really really really and sincerely put my thoughts and feelings into consideration and not just complain that I'm ungrateful. Just maybe .. you know .. once ? I don't know what to do to make you feel proud of having me when nothing I do seems to please you .. 

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes, make you feel unpretty too. I was told that I was beautiful, but what does that mean to you ?

My outsides are cool

My insides are blue

Everytime I think I'm through

It's because of you

I've tried different ways

But it's all the same

At the end of the day

I have myself to blame

I'm just trippin'

Mich.

Just this once, don't talk to me about this post, at all.

Untitled #4

Changing is good. Knowing you've changed is even better. Unless you've changed not for the better but worse. There's this weird feeling that surges in my mind. 

I've changed. 

I can't specify what about me has change, but I know there's certainly something about me is different. I can feel it .. I know this sound a tad bit stupid since everything's changing all the time and we're always oblivious to changes most of the time. But this time, it's different. 

I've a feeling that the way I feel things is different now. It can be just a temporary thing or .. I don't know .. permanent ? 

How does it feel to have this sudden gush of adrenaline that quickens your heartbeat, rushing blood to your cheeks. I miss my old self. The girl who believed in happily ever after stories. I still do believe, just that the stories stop revolving around me .. it's a scene where you watch from far. A glimpse into someone else's life.  The first time you fall, it was okay .. all you had to do is gather up yourself and stand even taller. But when it's the second time you fall, it's not okay .. you pick yourself up and you hold tight to yourself. Your mind takes over your heart. 

I think I've lost something .. I don't know if it will ever come back ! I don't know if I want it back. 

Yours truly,

Michelle.

I'm not okay.

How very often when you need to put up a face and let the world thinks that you're okay. Or maybe even when you're not .. make the world thinks that you're gonna be okay ..

Sometimes in life, you'd realize that you have no rights in certain things just because .. you put up a good show. It's like a cycle, people thinks that you're okay and so, you put a smile on that reluctant face of yours. People see you smiling, joke around and laugh jovially, they think you're okay. It goes on and on and on. You wanted to vent your frustrations, your confusions, your anger and your sadness .. you want to talk about it. But .. you don't know where to start from. And you say you're okay.

Saying okay is much easier than telling how you're really feeling. Okay, one word, two syllabus. Explaining your feelings, spilling your thoughts ? That is going through certain feelings again. It's okay if it's something happy. Who would mind feeling that euphoria more than just once ? If it's the opposite ? Triggers are everywhere, you don't need to relive that moment by spilling it out. Every simple thing can throw you back in time to go through some unwanted feelings again.

Some words, some song, some action .. and in my case, imaginary perfume smell. Until you realize you're here and now, it's too late to stop those memories come washing down at you. I'm not insomniac, but I'm prone to bad dreams. I'd go to sleep hoping when I wake up, it's a brand new morning, not the middle of the night with the remnants of a bad dream haunting me.

Since most if not all these feelings are .. expressed vaguely here, so yeah .. I don't have to say I'm okay here. At least, not here.

I remember someone said ; What you fail to let go of is not the feelings, it's those memories that you fear the future won't bring you anymore.

Life is an endless cycle, what goes around comes around. It's not gonna end. Maybe it's not about escaping the endless cycle but seeing life as a merry-go-round instead of a cycle of misery.

Like carousels in merry-go-rounds, there's always up and downs in life. Going around with the ups and downs is always better than stopping, frozen in time.

11.36 p.m.

Love,

Michelle.

Already gone.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone.                                                                                                                                                                                                      -Already gone, Kelly Clarkson

dead and gone

Greetings.

I'm severely sorry for the severe lack of updates. The truth behind my no-show is ... I'M FINALLY WORKING ! Lol. After the prolonged job hunting, I finally found a job and officially started work on 1st of February. It took up most of my day so I barely had/have time to really sit down and blog. Well, nothing much to blog about as usual.

After running some errand today, I came home just to go out again with my parents to buy their shoes. They went looking for shoes and I wandered off as usual to hang out in a bookstore. As I stepped up to the escalator, I couldn't help but remember the day my friends and I hung out at the very same place after our graduation ceremony. It felt like it was only yesterday that we had our graduation ceremony. And the irony part is that, I remember how much I hoped that STPM was over on graduation day. But now, I wish that STPM lies ahead of me waiting silently as I prepare myself for it.

The bookstore there was really boring. Selling mainly Malay novels which I don't read and very limited english novels. Nothing to do, I went and bought myself a cup of caramel hot chocolate and continue wandering around. I go along well with anything that has to do with caramel. It's sweet. But not at once. The sweetness stays in your mouth and each time it gets sweeter and sweeter until you're sick of it. But I still like it.

I've been reading The Passage by Justin Cronin lately. It's the first book of Cronin's trilogy. I'm reading it at a really slow pace given that I'm working. Reading always takes my mind off stuff that bothers me way more than it should. Right now, in this very fragment, or whatsoever you call it, of my life .. I'm waiting for my result. I'm dying to know when is the actual release date. But I've also come to a point that I start wondering so what if the result is out ? I have a feeling it won't be good. I don't know. Who doesn't want good results ? Maybe having the final results in my hand is some kind of closure. To finally decide which side should I turn.

I don't understand all this prolonged waiting. It's like wasting time. And this thought keeps haunting me. What's the purpose of living life. I get good result, I wait again to see if any university accepts me. I don't get good result, I move on with life. In other words, officially enter the society. I have the feeling that I'm living a lifeless life. It feels like I'm waiting. Like there's a button to press it and it sets my life alive. Lol.

High school's life, no, schooling life feels more purposeful than anything. At least, you've got something to look forward to. You've got a goal to reach a mission to accomplish.

I feel lost.

Mich.

..Ouh, just so you know, the purpose of this post is just to spill some thoughts. Nothing much to share about. Heh.

whatnots

Trials over and I've shifted to a new house. Everything happened in about a week only. It feels like a decade, to me at least. I thought reading will distract me from over thinking. But this time, no, it did not. 

I'm reading Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin and it made me feel downright worse. It's definitely not a tears jerker, but every time Rachel describes her feelings for Dex, it makes you feel like crying. How guilty she feels for wanting more of Dex and how insecure she feels about their barely existing love. How she has no rights at all to feel certain things but still feels it strongly. But it's a book, it has an ending, a happily ever after ending. 

Life is not a book. It has a beginning but you never know when it ends. Insecurity is like a black hole, it sucks everything around it inwards, leaving an emptiness behind. 

And my brother played Christina Perri's Arms on a loop. Forcing the lyrics into my mind. However, it hits a nerve. 

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go


I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

Sometimes, your mind tells you not to simply judge a person, but your gut tells you your judging is right. 

Love,

Mich

Y U NO PARK SOMEWHERE ELSE

I should be studying. In fact I was looking for note from the same old blog I used to visit until .. well .. my finger just worked their way to open another new tab and logged into facebook page. Completely their fault ! Not mine. Right .. and guess what, one of my friend posted a YouTube link with the title ..

#Tesco Malaysia : Unreasonable Woman Who "Snatched" People's Parking

I usually don't watch this kind of videos because firstly, it's crap. Secondly, it's lame. But out of the blue I played it and thanks to the smoothness of my line, it played smoothly too. Here is the link to the video in case you might wanna watch. 

And HERE is the briefing on what actually happened in MY opinion. The driver auntie was waiting for a parking and somehow the yellow shirt auntie cut queue and parked the parking the driver auntie was waiting for. Then, obviously, this driver auntie must have said something to this yellow shirt auntie provoking her "fire". And so, they ended up shooting each other. Then obviously again, the whole process was being recorded and uploaded into YouTube for the whole wide world to know how Malaysian Chinese Women behave when they got cut while waiting for parking or rather when they got confronted "snatching" parking. 

But I somehow find some viewers comments are hilarious ..

Honestly, though I know that Police in Malaysia are very hardworking. On call 24/7. You seriously think they accept report on someone cutting queue for .. what ? Parking ? What should you say ? 

"I would like to lodge a report, sir. A Chinese lady in yellow(probably a bersih member) just 'snatched' my parking lot at Tesco."

Now that this commenter mentioned the yellow auntie's husband, I found it quite funny that at some point in the video, she told her kid to ask for "baba" which means the kid's father and also her husband. But in the end, the guard turned up. I heard wrongly or what ?!

Now now .. THAT hits a nerve. What does all this nonsense got anything to do with being Chinese and Malaysia ? Just because it happens IN Malaysia and both are Chinese women doesn't mean this is what we ARE ! Similar cases happens too among other races and this doesn't mean a specified race is stupid. And this video ALONE doesn't represent the WHOLE Malaysia ! HELL, of course it DOESN'T !

Well, I know many people out there are really racist. My parents, to be real honest, are racist sometimes. But this is very narrow minded for certain people to judge and call we, Chinese, as a stupid race. You know many stuff happen around in Malaysia involves a lot other races which can be really imbecilic. 

You see being racist is actually like a allergy reaction.

There must be something that triggers you and affects you directly causing your brain to transmit the racist cells. My father can be scolding something bad about any races while driving on the road, but he still can tag along with Malays co-workers and sometimes talk about how both Chinese and Malays are being unreasonable. 

You can call a Chinese stupid if he kicked you in the ass. You can call a Malay brainless if he stole your phone. You can call an Indian idiot if he raped your cat. Well, not the he will.

But when you're just a youtube user watching videos online and telling the world, Chinese in Malaysia are stupid, rude etc .. it's just plain .. idiotic. YES .. it's affecting me directly that's why i can call those commenter IDIOT ! 

And then this,

Malaysians HAS have turned into a bunch of illiterate cowboys. SO .. he/she is saying he/she is one of them since by the end of the comment, he/she stressed that he's/she's a Malaysian too. How very funny. Don't you know Malaysia is the only country that provides free education until you're 18 ? (It's considered free in government schools even though certain fees are compulsory to be paid besides, you don't have to buy textbooks in here, do YOU ?) 

You see, one thing I'm sure about Malaysians is that, they are very easily sidetracked. They lose their focus easily. Like some body bombing case, like some body off some building case and some auntie snatching parking case. I'm a good example. See, I'm easily sidetracked but I'm clearly NOT stupid. 

Actually, if my parking lot was to be taken unreasonably, I'd smile and wait until the driver gets in the mall. Then .. I'll take out my favorite 50 cents coin and show some creative work. If you know what I mean. Haha, just kidding. :D

Yours truly,

Mich

p/s : Actually, I wasn't feeling that all happy about something that came up lately in my life. So, no offense to anyone, i'm just venting my own frustration on something else. but i really got pissed about those comments. 

maybe i should really keep a safe distance which i should have done way earlier. hope it's not too late. yes, i failed at guarding my emotion again. sigh. till then. :'(

It's Merdeka !!

See, i told you next update would be really soon !

Haha, so .. I went to the KLCC's Bookfest yesterday. Well, what can i say ? Being surrounded by books can't feel anymore better PLUS ... no, lets not talk about the 'plus thing', so yeah .. it was good. Brilliant. Not really, because I can't find books I wanted. Can you believe it ? NOT even Mitch Albom's Have a Little Faith ! Such disappointment ! I've been patrolling round and round the English section and just can't find books I wanted. I pity him =( He wasn't IS NOT interested in books at all but he still followed me going round and round the place plus, NO PLUS, AND put up with my super duper craziness like, real madness. Come to think of it, where did those amount of patience came from ?

Right, from those five books I said i wanted in my previous post, I only manage to grab one on the list. The rest, I seriously cannot find it. I don't think they have it there and then.

#books I managed to grab.

As you can see, that's the only books I've bought. Something borrowed was my intentioned book. Room wasn't in my list but it was everywhere in the bookfest ! Yes, everywhere ! And after reading the comments about the book from VAs, i decided to give it a try. I was thinking about buying Eat, Pray, Love .. but, i don't remember why i discarded it.

And guess what ? I've decided to hurl myself at Tony Parsons' books right after my finals. His books are like those of self help .. uhm, something like Mitch Albom ? So yeah, imma start collecting his books. Wanna contribute ? LOL ! I actually had a hard time deciding what books to buy, because for certain reasons .. i mean the lack of books that i wanted completely turned off my book shopping mood. Well, the bright side of it is, my mom is safe from the nightmare that i bought tonnes of books. Really, compared to the number of books i bought last year, this is really like .. only a tiny teenie bit !

And my brother came home bringing this ..

#jar of sweetness and love

He bought this jar of sticky candies for his girlfriend and showed off to me ! I guess he's trying to rub it in that I'm single and lonely, LOL ! Joking. Ahhh, my favorite brand of candy, incomparable to even marks and spencer's chocolates, candies or whatsoever. Seriously .. I wish I have a boyfriend so that he can buy me Sticky candies ! LOL !! Just kidding. My boyfriend has to be more than that. Lol lol lol. It's so cute !!!

But .. who cares .. I've got bigger sized one ..

... in a wayyyyy cuter container ! :P (photo not clear, OTL) But .. I still 'tak sampai hati' wanna eat it ! =.= Oh well. So yeah, MINE is bigger in size, candies i mean ! (WTH .. since when i'm so childish !!)

And i just realize after all those rambles, my post has got nothing to do with the title AT ALL !

#source : google

So yeahhhhh ! HAPPY MERDEKA !!!!!!! :D Happy Independence Day, Malaysia ! I heart this country without politic issues in the picture. <3

Love,

Mich

-Stop READING HEREON-

Before i begin, I warned you to stop reading. This is only some crap thoughts of mine, no joke. 

Well, i was thinking .. how true what a friend of mine once said. Feelings can be deceiving. For what reason, i don't know .. but this phrase has been ringing in my mind. When i first heard, or rather read it .. i didn't pay much attention. But hitherto, when i think about it, yeah .. feelings ARE deceiving. It always tells you to do something that is obviously irrational. Perhaps, insane ? I don't know. But that's not the case or point. It's just that .. sometimes, you want something, but you know you shouldn't. You know something is not true, but you want to believe in that it's true. You know something is not meant to be yours, but you want it yours. Or you know something shouldn't feel this way, but it feels right. This is getting a bit repetitive .. Never mind. Oh yeah, i came across with this quote while flipping through Room. It's a mind over matter case. If you don't mind it, it doesn't matter. Maybe this applies to feelings too. Some feelings, if you don't give a damn about it .. it won't matter. But the tricky part is, how can you NOT give a damn about how something feels. OR how you're feeling OR what someone is feeling. Actually, there are always time when i feel insecure. Maybe it's because I'm really sensitive. I always have the feeling that whatever i have that i'm happy with won't last. This sense of insecurity can be really overwhelming and turns me into a drama queen. Yes, at some point, i can be really dramatic. People usually thinks that this is due to some past history that traumatized me. But, as far as my memory serves me right, no.. i don't remember anything that has ever happen in my life that'd leave me feeling insecure. It's naturally in me. And sometimes, it gets fully at me and I'll start throwing tantrum at anyone about anything that cross my path or maybe shut myself away which nowadays called emo. I trust easily, I doubt as easy too. Really. And it frustrates me really a lot that .. I can't really differentiate what is serious what is a joke or a prank. I know my doubting can hurt too. That's why, i'm a double-edged blade. It cuts both ways. I really don't like too much guessing. It ends in two ways A) Drives me really mad. B) I lost interest and turn really mean. 

Okay, screw all those. 

give me the reason to continue

Why making all those promises when you will only break it ?
Why make me believe that it's possible when you never intend to fulfill it ?
What's left to make me keep going on ?
What's the point for me to keep on in the first place ?
How am i suppose to convince myself to hold on.

If you don't expect me to go somewhere you won't afford,
Tell me in the beginning.
Making me expect and telling me it's not possible
is devastating.
I tried so hard, I wanted so badly.
But if I knew it's not possible, I would not have hoped.
How am i suppose to keep holding on ?

And anyone can talk behind my back, but it's you that it cuts deep enough to drain me. No matter how small the matter might be.
But you just won't know.

of shattering and picking up the pieces

I was told that I'm more approachable and so, when something goes wrong, people come complaining or lecturing me instead of the one who is being responsible about what went wrong. Well, come to think of it .. am i ? Maybe i am more vulnerable then i have ever thought of.

There is always someone who will knock on your door, turn around and just leave. It's easy, for those who leave, they got nothing to lose. But upon knocking on your door, it leaves your heart shattered into pieces and you'll have to pick them up and mend them back together, always hurting yourself in the process. Oh, yeah .. you can only pick up the shattered pieces, the mending part .. you will need to make an appointment with time.

I came to realize that apart from being emotionally erratic, I tend to believe what people say way too easily too. In certain ways, i trust the world too much, only certain ways ! And i guess i need to admit that i'm defenseless against words that are saturated with glucoses, sucroses and .. whatsoever. Deceiving words and people, too.

I have yet to learn the art of compromising .. of letting go things that doesn't really belong to me .. of getting a good control over my emotion .. or going head over heels into something or someone. I think i need to learn when to trust my guts and when not to too. I don't really remember when, but i was dreaming away and this thought came to me.

Aren't i suppose to be contented with the fact that .. my heart, my fragile little heart is still beating ? My brain(not much of a use though .. lol) is still functioning as normal as it should. My lungs are still inhaling and exhaling. Everyone that love me and i love is still out there some where - alive !This earth is still rotating, time is still passing and .. i'm still here..! Isn't it here and now that matters the most ? Who cares about what happened ? Who even wanna give a damn about those who already left your life willingly without even a second glance ?

I don't. And don't you dare come knocking at my door without the slightest intention of putting me back together.

Mich

p/s : Do bear in mind that hearts are not made of flesh but merely fragile glasses that break upon the slightest mistake.

of occasional complains and whatsoever

Went to a shoe festival at PWTC with family today. Upon entering the exhibition hall, there was this grand stage which was Jimmy Choo's booth ! Really grand since he was standing there taking photos with a group of ladies. My sister was totally into this shoe festival that she bought 3 pairs of shoes from the fest. I had some fun looking at stuff while they were shoe hunting : I was totally not in the mood for shopping not to mention hunting for the perfect shoes in the midst of shopaholics ! OTL.

Will post some photos in the next blog post about the "fun" i had.

I guess i have been super emotional lately. I literally spent two nights and one morning crying like no body's business. Really. I'm not those kind of girl that blame around about how my life sucks so and so. But there is time when you want to blame the world because life is being a totally awful bitch to you no ? In addition to monthly hormone imbalance, so yeah .. I even sulk around at my parents for no reason, well not exactly NO reason.. OTL.

It's just that, i have this feeling that i'm going through the very same thing a second time. The first time, i was a kid. And i don't really give a damn about anything so i just got pass it quite easily. But this time, i am no more a kid and summing up the first time experience, i got more frustrated with .. everything ! Like, why do things have to be this way ? Why do life have to be so ridiculous.

I guess crying is good, crying allows your feelings to pour out along with the tears .. LOL. At least, i think, crying prevents me from depression. Haha .. But i guess the "virus" is not completely cleared out yet, I'm like a time bomb now, anything can trigger it to explode.



#tearing up with the lyrics too
If healing starts after a downpour style of crying, then i might as well begin healing myself now .. ! 
I'm a fool, I know that .. but i still ...

of thorns and thoughts

#cactus

Sometimes, what seems to be harmless harms you the most ..

I had my MUET speaking on Monday. The previous night was rather restless, with tosses and turnings ! To be exact, i wasn't really nervous. It was just that my mind refused to go into rest mode. My group members and I did some last minute practice right before the test, i think group discussion was fun.

The other day, i was reading the March's edition of National Geographic magazine. I came across with the world population issue. It was said that the earth's population will reach 7 billion people in this year. 7 billion. 7,000,000,000 ! 9 zeros. If you're to count to 7 billion without losing your place, it would take more than two centuries. 

This simple yet very true fact fascinated me. I counted how long 7 billion seconds take. Approximately 221 years. Who can live up to 7 billion seconds ? Things around us, if we pay close attention, it's very fascinating. Like the photo i took above. 

I saw this cactus during one of the shopping trip with my mother at a near by hypermarket. The thorns immediately deter anyone to touch it. But if you look closely at the thorns. They are not sharp, i touched them, stroked them and they remind me of furry things. Safe. But the very much favored rose ? Bites you when you think its beautiful and attracting .. mercilessly ! I guess it hurts more than anything because you didn't expect it coming. 

Torn,

Mich

p/s : in case my blog is giving out overloading of negative auras, neutralize it with the Joker of the Month =p

my immortal

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears..

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave..

Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone !

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real..

There's just too much that time cannot erase !

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone..

the emo freak,

Mich 

p/s : I want an iPod Touch !

of being emo and regrets

on the way home, i was chatting away with a junior of mine. we talked about regrets .. ! specifically regretting knowing someone in our life. i told him, i have no regrets in that aspect. 

i somehow think that, everything happens for a certain reason and it only happens in one way. that pretty much explains why "if" doesn't really exist. that applies to people i meet in my life too. you meet one person at a time, and that's the only person you will meet in one way or the other. that person exist in your life for a certain reason, no matter how small that reason can be. hitherto, i never regretted knowing a person in my life. not really. but there are, of course, time when i would think, what if i never know this person ? that's just a thought. 

i don't know why, fatigue found me, through my feelings and also physically .. feeling so emo recently ! and guess what, i hate this feeling .. can you please take it away ? just this time ?

Love,

Mich

p/s : and yes, i never regretted knowing you, too.

what are words - Chris Medina

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonightAnd I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
 I'm forever keeping my angel close the first time i listened to this song, it gave me goosebumps for no reasons..but when i listen closer, i found out why..the lyrics ! And yeah...what are words when you really don't mean them when you say them ? What are promises when you don't keep them too... ! 
i tried embedding the official video, but you won't be able to view it in blogs it seems..so here is the official video. Just listen to it closely and you'll find yourself tearing up too ! 
Mich

untitled

i wanted to blog about Earth Hour like how i did about the Pay It Forward Cause but reckon i'll need to go all over the net to drive people in to read it and i'm really not in the mood, so..allow me to be selfish this time. all i want to do is..idk, rant about stuff that no one will understand ? So, to make your life easier, you can really just move your cursor to the corner of this window with the pretty X and click it without mercy !

the test is over..but, honestly, there's nothing worth feeling free about. basically, it's just the beginning of the real war cum nightmare cum disaster cum tragedy, you decide. this test, overall was okay except from my general knowledge, don't ask me what happen because i don't even know what the hell is wrong with myself.

#i suppose this explains a lot huh ?

seriously people, anyone kind enough to just take it away please !

the first time i have this feeling that having a beating feeling heart is not really that lucky ! aww...shucks, what about coloring up my life like i said earlier.. ?  

i really wish i could be a bit more persistent with my decisions and just cut every unwanted emotions and feelings out ! Ughhhh ! and honestly, i miss that empty feeling so dang much.

by the way, i don't remember when but i have received the letter from The National Transplant Center to confirm my pledging. I've been planning to blog about it since my 18th birthday but, i don't know why, it has been delayed hitherto. Will probably do it ASAP or when i got the mood. OTL since the test is over and the semester break is just around the corner, i'll slack for..say..two days ? heh..PLL ! <3 But honestly, i'm dying to go out for a break, emotionally or whatsoever..but.. I. WILL. SURVIVE. THIS. 

sigh, you just don't understand and you never will...

Lesson learnt 101 : no use hanging on some dangling branches, you'll fall one day or the other - only harder.

Mercilessly killed,

Mich

a blooming dream

i had a dream

a lopsided version of

the world i'm living in

what was accused wrong was right

colors were mere black and white 

with flowers blooming cheerfully

but it was pathetically just a dream.

#footnote : listening to Spirited Away's theme song : One Summer's Day. 

Nice dreams are always short.

Mich

it's raining

#photo taken: A rainy day at KHS 2010

it's raining outside
the serene noise of the pouring rain
a sweet rhythm that follows by the chill in the air
with the soft scribbling noise of ball pen against paper
i am sitting here, sending my mind away
stealing some time to torture myself
with a distant heart

it's raining outside
the comforting smell of the dampen earth
a delicate scent that stays temporarily in the air
with the low humming whispers of relaxed students
i am standing here, my senses taking full control
feelings clutching my erratic heart
with a mind that wanders off too far

it's raining outside
the breeze simply brushes by
leaving me shivering with a mind
thinking of you.


#footnote : was flipping through my journal or rather, notebook and found this left out "poem" dated back on 6 of January. 
It's first of February, two more sleeps away from Chinese New Year..this CNY break is so short ! I need more time to settle my feelings and my school stuff. Sigh. One word to describe my current feelings : L.O.S.T.

Love,
Mich

of the mourning rain

I was listening to The Band Perry's If I Die Young..and tears came rolling down..

The sight of the canopy being set out after turning the last corner to my house lot hits me without mercy. It's a week since my grandmother passed away and it never stop raining. 

The sharp knife of a short life..

Out of a sudden, i feel pointless..

All alone in this chilly weather.. it's so weird, Chinese New Year is just around the corner, it should be warm, but instead, it's cold..

So many feelings spinning around but no words matches exactly how i feel..This doesn't even feel right at all !

Mich.

p/s : what you're going through is like reflecting what i went through.. just another passer by, guard your heart well, sweet one !