Thursday, February 9, 2012

dead and gone


I'm severely sorry for the severe lack of updates. The truth behind my no-show is ... I'M FINALLY WORKING ! Lol. After the prolonged job hunting, I finally found a job and officially started work on 1st of February. It took up most of my day so I barely had/have time to really sit down and blog. Well, nothing much to blog about as usual.

After running some errand today, I came home just to go out again with my parents to buy their shoes. They went looking for shoes and I wandered off as usual to hang out in a bookstore. As I stepped up to the escalator, I couldn't help but remember the day my friends and I hung out at the very same place after our graduation ceremony. It felt like it was only yesterday that we had our graduation ceremony. And the irony part is that, I remember how much I hoped that STPM was over on graduation day. But now, I wish that STPM lies ahead of me waiting silently as I prepare myself for it.

The bookstore there was really boring. Selling mainly Malay novels which I don't read and very limited english novels. Nothing to do, I went and bought myself a cup of caramel hot chocolate and continue wandering around. I go along well with anything that has to do with caramel. It's sweet. But not at once. The sweetness stays in your mouth and each time it gets sweeter and sweeter until you're sick of it. But I still like it.

I've been reading The Passage by Justin Cronin lately. It's the first book of Cronin's trilogy. I'm reading it at a really slow pace given that I'm working. Reading always takes my mind off stuff that bothers me way more than it should. Right now, in this very fragment, or whatsoever you call it, of my life .. I'm waiting for my result. I'm dying to know when is the actual release date. But I've also come to a point that I start wondering so what if the result is out ? I have a feeling it won't be good. I don't know. Who doesn't want good results ? Maybe having the final results in my hand is some kind of closure. To finally decide which side should I turn.

I don't understand all this prolonged waiting. It's like wasting time. And this thought keeps haunting me. What's the purpose of living life. I get good result, I wait again to see if any university accepts me. I don't get good result, I move on with life. In other words, officially enter the society. I have the feeling that I'm living a lifeless life. It feels like I'm waiting. Like there's a button to press it and it sets my life alive. Lol.

High school's life, no, schooling life feels more purposeful than anything. At least, you've got something to look forward to. You've got a goal to reach a mission to accomplish.

I feel lost.


..Ouh, just so you know, the purpose of this post is just to spill some thoughts. Nothing much to share about. Heh.

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