Wednesday, June 29, 2011

i want to embrace this world as tight as possible.

In case you don't know, well, i just found out that I'm a sensitive girl. I don't know, but i'm a bit touchy recently.

This world is weird. People are busy empowering women in one place in order to stop human-trafficking and women abusing, some where else, young teenage girls are selling their bodies just to earn a few hundred bucks more of pocket money. Yes, just a few hundred bucks more. I mean, there are so many other kind of part time jobs, why betray yourselves ? Don't you think it's really stupid ? Not only are you humiliating yourselves but also encouraging sex transactions putting the whole world's effort in vain.

And like it's a trend. Youngsters are committing suicide, jumping off buildings. I wonder, if you have the guts to take that leap, why not face the problem and move on with your life. Committing suicide is an unforgivable sin. You're given a precious life, a chance to live that so many people crave after but yet, you gave up so easily. Summing your action into one simple word, coward. What else if not a coward ? What can be your worst fear when you're not afraid of death itself ? In case you're saying I will never understand why they do what they did because I've never been in their shoes, of course i've never been in their shoes, aren't i here typing this post out ? I'm not stupid enough to end my life so easily.

Depress. What's the big deal ? Everyone experienced depression before, even saints do(obviously saints don't commit suicide, else, why would they be saints ? Now, don't so no life go and find saints that killed themselves just to prove me wrong !). And speaking of no life-ness. Nowadays, you can hardly share your thoughts without causing a major uproar(I'm not hinting any recent arguments, just my personal experience with my friends). Sometimes, it's fun. Sometimes, it's annoying. You see, i was just merely sharing thoughts and people have to come and start opposing what i've posted. Hullo, it's my personal point of view. (In this case, im really just expressing my thoughts, my friends are still welcome to spam my status or tweets or whatsoever :p)

Like i said, i'm a very sensitive girl. Any minor or major thing that happens is enough to take my emotional health down the slope. But i deal with it alright. And when certain extreme thing happens, for instance, the suicide case at SMK Yu Hua made me feel a bit depress. And again, it throws at me the fact that how very fragile our life can be. Even if I'm not related to the deceased, maybe it's the fact that it happens so near me.

And so, I want to explain one very simple thing. I'm sad about what's happening in this very modern world. And i realize how time flies by and we're running out of time one way or the other. So occasionally, even it may seem fake to you, but i still want to express my feelings, my gratitudes and my thoughts to people that i care. I'm not good in that face-to-face, so when facebook gives me the chance, i want to let them know that, having them in my life is so important and I love them all ! I can't do this, i mean i can't say it out, i'll blush and i'll get awkward then i'll get pissed. But.. I'm definitely not flirting. Girls are not like guys, at least I'm not. I don't flirt with guys, only those that i'm 100% sure they'll not misunderstand(translate: those who don't see me as a female..LOL). I just don't flirt. Because, you never know when you're flirting someone, you're actually hurting them intentionally or not. I've had that feeling once. It was bad, devastating(exaggerating) and i don't want to be the one to cause that kind of pain even im the pain in the ass sometimes.

I want to give this world a tight embrace. Saying I love you to my love ones is simply not enough. Because the warmth i want to share through this simple thing can only reach a very limited amount of people as most of them don't take me seriously. I want all my readers to know, no matter what happens, in the end, love wins. Love always wins ! And i really, sincerely love the world. :)



Thursday, June 23, 2011

Cover : Kim Hyun Joong - Please [FuWai]

Hey peeps ! Check out this cover by my friend. Love his voice. If you happen to think the same like i do, share it with your friends. This guys has got talents ! ahahahaha

Till then.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

just so you know

There wasn't much to blog about lately. Not to say uneventful but i was kinda busy and lazy. I was involved in a mini Japanese exhibition last Saturday for International Understanding Day. Surprisingly, not much photos taken despite i was wearing Yukata the first and probably the only time in my life. LOL. So yeah, no photos.

By the way, my friend who is studying in Singapore came back to Malaysia for his sem-break. I hung out with him and the bestie on Saturday night and Monday which happened to be the eve of his return back to Singapore :'( It was super epic and super hilarious. I think the laughter never stops except from occasional meals, toilet breaks, in the cinema and while we were trying out clothes, no, we kept laughing nevertheless !

It's funny how we've gotten so crazy. Almost out of control.

This week is really gonna drain the essence out of me. From today onwards, i won't be having classes until next monday. I went to PJ for some girl guides thingy and tomorrow will be the school trip to parliament. Friday, school trip again to UPM for some answering techniques. It's tiring and oh well, sickening ! At least i don't have to sit in class ! Teehee !

Right, that's really all i had to say after a long pause. I'm really sorry if i don't update as frequent as i used to. I promise i'll return once i've got enough time and stuff to blog about. Maybe i'll blog about the parliament and upm school trip. But that's all for now.


p/s : i was trying to upload a photo of me wearing yukata, but blogger's photo uploading seems to be having some kinda issue with me. 

Monday, June 13, 2011

Crossing out : MUET | unsettled

I'll have something on my Mich-list crossed out today.

 Mid-term MUET(Malaysian University English Test) is out. Everyone that asked what i've got congratulated me. But, behind the satisfied smile and thank you, i feel unsettled and a bit guilty. Unsettled, maybe because i no longer know what i really expected or what i really wanted. Guilty because, i don't know... it seems like, i could have done better. A little lack of enthusiasm with my result maybe. Disappointed ? A little bit. Relief ? a tiny teenie bit.

Actually, i expected worse, i thought i'm gonna end up getting Band 4. I even freaked out and cried. Yeah, look how i've changed since i entered form six. Is this me all along or what ? But i remember myself for being satisfy with whatever that i get. Average all the while and i was okay with it. I was.

And sometimes, i hope my parents can care slightly more about my academic achievement. I mean, they're always cool about it. They don't give a big damn if my result sucks like hell. Because they think, as long as i've tried, they're happy. In many ways, this give me a lot of freedom. It's more of an advantage then disadvantage. No pressure. But, it's funny. The girl who sat beside me told me how eager her mom was when she found out that this Saturday, parents will have to collect mid-year results at school. I knew straight away my mom won't be that interested.

And i'm afraid of my current self.



Friday, June 10, 2011

Ricoh KR-5 Super

So i guess some sort of pity must have surged in my mother since i'm constantly, ravenously, hungrily, insanely, unreasonably, irrevocably etc, etc. craving for a dslr and still has got a long way to go (self-funding) before i can reach my goal, she told me that she has this camera that works with film. I reckon it's those lame, old school useless film working camera but she insisted that i check it out. I was quite awed to see that it's actually a Ricoh 35mm film slr ...

It's still working but the only problem is, it's a bit dusty inside the viewfinder and the lens need some cleaning which i gleefully did. The lens cap is a bit faulty but else this antique is working perfectly ! :D This little thing is kinda impressive because it's fully made in Japan. You don't get much stuff that's fully made in Japan nowadays alright. :P

Anyways, i've just loaded a roll of new film into it yesterday and hitherto the count hits 16 photos taken. LOL. Obviously, i don't know about the effect and quality because.. you need to develop the films(like d-uhhh) ! I was kind of in a hype shooting away with the antique when my mom told me about the developing thing .. it's not that pricey but for someone -who is saving like a mad woman- like me, every penny counts. OTL Nevertheless, i'm still looking forward to what i'll get, hopefully not a stack of dark blurry photos ! I'm still currently hoping that a stack of 50 ringgit bill will drop on my laps.. ftw >< 

MONEYYYYYY !!!!!!!! $__$

Anyways, the above photo shows a 50 ringgit bill ! If you look closely, you'll see the serial number it's all 2 ! When my mom showed it to me, i was like, why two though ? I was hoping it's something like 88888888 or 66666666..*head-desk*

Time flies, mid-term holiday is about to end and as usual my study plan failed ! Sigh. Right, that's all from me.. =)



Thursday, June 2, 2011

parody of life.

there are sayings that goes : things happen in and only in one way. it doesn't matter what options or choices you have because despite the numerous possible outcomes only one will happen in the end. still, decision makes up most of our life. in fact, our life revolves around decisions.

every single decision that we've made brought us to where we are. i guess that's how we grow. do you remember when you were young (or you probably still are now) and were trying to find your style and your way ?

one afternoon, i was waiting for bus in front of my school. it was quite late and all my friends were by then gone home. there was this junior of mine that is form three i guess, but he's convincing enough to be form one. he was wearing a mushroom hairstyle. i think he had gotten bored or whatsoever, i don't know, and he took out a rubber band and a comb. he tied up a small pony tail at the back of his head. an indian guy was curious enough to ask him why he did that and said he looked weird. the young man simply said, i want to be special and i want to look special, that's my style. the indian guy just smiled.

he was trying to create a unique style of himself, to create an identity that belongs to him. isn't that exactly what we have once been doing too ? but most of the time, instead of finding our style, we're actually following a culture that the society has long created. like following the trend or doing something you think that it's different from others. but the truth is, that's exactly what everyone else is doing, too.

When i was a kid, i've always wanted to be a grown-up because :
- i can wear dresses, stilettos
- i can make up and style my hair
- i can start working because everyone was asking about my ambition
- i can go wherever i want
- i don't have any curfews or possibilities of being grounded.

But, as time passes by, i realize :
- i stop reading comics or watching cartoons but newspaper and novels
- i don't cook with my toys in the living room but starts cooking in the kitchen
- i stop craving after the latest barbie but branded stuff
- i can get married if i want to.

Sadly, the biggest realization is, being a grown-up, one :
- needs to be matured
- needs to be professional
- needs to be responsible
- needs to earn loads of money
- needs to make all sorts of decisions
- needs to know who you're messing around with
and a lot more "needs" to be aware of.

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do something, but you're bound to do something else."
-- Morrie Schwartz

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