I'll have something on my Mich-list crossed out today.
Mid-term MUET(Malaysian University English Test) is out. Everyone that asked what i've got congratulated me. But, behind the satisfied smile and thank you, i feel unsettled and a bit guilty. Unsettled, maybe because i no longer know what i really expected or what i really wanted. Guilty because, i don't know... it seems like, i could have done better. A little lack of enthusiasm with my result maybe. Disappointed ? A little bit. Relief ? a tiny teenie bit.
Actually, i expected worse, i thought i'm gonna end up getting Band 4. I even freaked out and cried. Yeah, look how i've changed since i entered form six. Is this me all along or what ? But i remember myself for being satisfy with whatever that i get. Average all the while and i was okay with it. I was.
And sometimes, i hope my parents can care slightly more about my academic achievement. I mean, they're always cool about it. They don't give a big damn if my result sucks like hell. Because they think, as long as i've tried, they're happy. In many ways, this give me a lot of freedom. It's more of an advantage then disadvantage. No pressure. But, it's funny. The girl who sat beside me told me how eager her mom was when she found out that this Saturday, parents will have to collect mid-year results at school. I knew straight away my mom won't be that interested.
And i'm afraid of my current self.