Friday, May 6, 2011

of a worn out brain and running out of time

#it's so hot today, i need some moisture

I haven't really been updating my blog as frequently as i used to huh ? idk ..

It has been chaotically busy this few weeks and i'm not really as enthusiastic about updating my blog as i used to, besides the mid-term exam is literally just around the corner. Exactly at this time of the year, the new batch of six formers are coming in too. I had to do the slide show for their orientation as the committee of the student council. Oh yeah, and a whole lot of paperwork for the Girl Guides Half-Day Camp. Thanks god my teacher is really super duper nice ! She helped and guided me through most of it =)

Seeing myself doing all these, i traced out the pattern, no my pattern .. It seems to me that, i've moved to the background of things, quietly(technically laa) doing background stuff. Not like my usual self that was always actively participating in activities not bothering about what it takes for an activity to actually come alive and work out. I can think of one analogy of this change : I'm no longer the drawing nor the colors of a painting, i've become the frame that sets the painting to be a perfect thing to look at ..

The funny part is, i enjoy doing the background stuff, despite my hyper-active nature and egoistic self, i actually like going home, typing several letters, program list, etc. Seeing bits by bits of puzzle working something solid out drags my mind away from stuff.

My time is obviously running out. It's already May in just a blink of the eyes. I'm pretty sure i will screw up my mid-term exam, total lost ! I'm literally living in guilt day by day because i'm committing suicide in the sense that i'm still slacking around not bothering much about my studies ! I'm 100% sure that if i keep this up, i'll regret to death by the end of the year. But .. I can't seem to find the motivation i need anyhow ! I know, so screwed up right ? I'm messing with time, luck and my future in one shot, cool huh ? OTL

Hmm.. such a long draggy,rambling,babbling post .. ! Thank you so much if you lent me your time reading this.. Haha ..! Are you kind enough to leave me some motivating comments too ? *puppy eyes* =P

Yours sincerely,


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