Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Once upon a time.

Hi !

I'm wondering if you still remember what you were doing exactly a year ago.

SPM and STPM just started. But as far as my memory serves me, I remember STPM did not begin so early back then. It was just a year ago and it seems so far to me now. It has been a busy weekend for me since last Friday. It has indeed been a very busy period of time for me. As usual, never ending assignments and tests. We'll talk about that some post later. Not now.

I was chatting with my friend, and she brought up his birthday. Without realizing, it has been a year already. I'm not sure a year for what, but yeah, it's a year already since so much has happened I suppose.

One should always be the memory keeper, not being kept by memories. However, I'm always a prisoner of memories. They said don't live in your memories, funny that we're living to create memories. Ironic ? It seems fun to me when you can predict how a person will react, and you know exactly what to say or do to provoke them. I'm not trying to annoy anyone, perhaps, it's the egoistic self that craves to proof that you know someone well.

The thing is, I don't know myself well enough to say or acknowledge that I know another person well. It's too subjective to whether you know a person well or not. I've always know how stubborn I am. But I always manage to surprise myself that my stubbornness is always reaching an all new level again .. and again. Because I dwell on things. And also because things that I dwell on are not just things that I should let go, but also things that I don't have the rights to dwell on. But I just do. And .. part of me doubt that it's about self control.

If I were to write myself a letter, I'd tell myself; Give yourself a break.

And this is what I'll do. Breaking away from all those haunting memories, breaking away from the cuffs of memories. If I'm to help anyone, I, myself is the first person in need of help. I need to pick up the remaining pieces of myself. Shattered not by anyone or anything, but myself. Because honestly, if you ask me. I'm really amazing. Amazing that I'm highly capable of discolouring my own life.

So, don't blame me on what happened. I was a broken piece of parcel forced into your hands. All I did was replacing that parcel with time, pain was necessary. I don't care you're doing well or not, because you have all the time you need to be that person you should without a burden of putting back the broken parcel together.



p/s: Happy birthday, a few days in advance.

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