upside down

#emptied book rack 

My mom reckons i should start packing up stuff i don't usually use for the moving. If you've been reading my blog, i guess you might already have the rough idea that i'm moving soon. So yeah, the date has yet to be set because of the feng shui stuff and the renovation is about to start. Only minor renovations. The biggest is restoring the toilet in my brother's room. Lol. Coming weekends might be house cleaning activity for the family. 

Anyways, life has been so chaotic these days. Having some issues with my class teacher. I don't know how to place this, if i am to type out the whole story, it's like complaining. She's old, and she's a teacher. I guess, all i can do is to suck it up as usual. Life in her class won't be easy anymore. But what else i can do ? You know the funniest part ? I thought of quiting. But i love some other subject so much and my friends and teachers who are really nice. and i know the idea of quiting is extremely imbecilic ! 

I never shed a single tear when i was undergoing the surgery back in form 4, not until the nurses pushed me out and i saw my family and the thought that i survived it rushes out grateful tears. The doctors and nurses said i was brave. Lol. And for more than 10 years as a student, my parents never receive any calls complaining about me. She did not respect my parents, she was really rude. I don't see how am i ever gonna respect her anymore than just acknowledging her as a teacher. People always say that in school, teachers are our parents. And i've always respect them that way. But, universe, forgive me, not her. 

I don't want to begrudge her or anything, and i don't want to blame her. I take it as my fault. My inability to satisfy her demanding and unreasonable requests. Until one extend that she had to be rude to my parents, my bad. But honestly, she made the worst teacher in my former school an angel. 

This kind of drama took most of my attention off things. I didn't realize it's the end of the month and i almost forgot what's coming up next Saturday. It wasn't until i look up the calender that i realize 6 of August is next Saturday. Time flies.

I'm strong when love from my family and friends form the basic in me.

Mich.

give me the reason to continue

Why making all those promises when you will only break it ?
Why make me believe that it's possible when you never intend to fulfill it ?
What's left to make me keep going on ?
What's the point for me to keep on in the first place ?
How am i suppose to convince myself to hold on.

If you don't expect me to go somewhere you won't afford,
Tell me in the beginning.
Making me expect and telling me it's not possible
is devastating.
I tried so hard, I wanted so badly.
But if I knew it's not possible, I would not have hoped.
How am i suppose to keep holding on ?

And anyone can talk behind my back, but it's you that it cuts deep enough to drain me. No matter how small the matter might be.
But you just won't know.

your unworthy self

Words, in any language, they are like sharp blades. Careless, it cuts deep.
It might be something very minor, some small matter. Common teasing, common joking. But the impact is there. Others don't seem to think that it's a big deal, but the one being addressed can feel those words landing in with an enormous thud.

You're not me, you don't understand and you probably won't understand how those very simple word wound me. Because you're just not me.

I apologize if you think I'm one ego bitch, that's really just me and you have to suck it up for a few more months. Teachers, I dare to say I'm brought up right, I respect them despite the fact that I might not always agree with what they do or say. But I honestly still do respect every single teacher, be it those who kindly taught me or those who worked with me. Even those who i don't know their names.

I don't want to be rude. But I just want to ask, do you practice what you "preached" ? I don't blame you for wanting to act the heroic role trying to "slap" some sense into me, but sorry, you were just making a fool out of yourself.

You're not confiscating my rights to express myself, you got two choice, to ignore or to delete me. I welcome both. But don't ever give me those shit you think so highly of anymore. I can't assure you that I won't be rude.

And my friends and family, they never fail me. Thank you so much.

Yours sincerely,

Mich.