unfogging the future...

21st of October. Haiz. Next week's exam. Studying History is really tiring! Thanks god traditional lit is combining with modern lit! So, Tuesday's only his paper 1...I sort of enjoy everything that has something to do with Rome or Greek! Anything other than that, I started feeling sleepy and sort of bored! Even Tamadun China! lol. 


IDK.


My friends are(some, at least) saying that they don't really mind screwing up this exam! But for some reason that I myself don't even know, i DON'T WANNA screw it up. But I have a feeling that I'm about to screw it up! No matter how I study for history, it feels like nothing is registering in my mind. Like, I'm just briefly reading! Everything come and go! Nothing stays! Am I having exam anxiety? I guess i probably am! But don't ask me to relax. Because there's no way I can relax. Not NOW! Everyday after school, I feel so fatigue that there's no way I can focus properly! Ugh!

Maybe it's me.
Maybe it's really just me that I feel the necessity to do well! To do well in form six! I want and I NEED to get into either UPM or UKM OR UM! The nearest to where I stay so that i won't have to move out. No. I'm not a mummy girl. Definitely not. It's just that, without the need of moving out meaning I don't have to get a laptop! I can still come home and use my desktop!(hopefully) And I can save my parents from the amount of money they will have to spend if I have to study outstation! The fact that I don't want to stay too far from my family counts a lot too. I don't wanna feel detached from them anymore. I don't want to miss anymore time being together anymore. Isn't it weird? Everyone, well, almost everyone yearns to move out and stay at hostels away from parents, siblings and etc. But ME? lol. IDK...my BM teacher told me that her(nephew if I'm not mistaken) took Mass Comm at UKM. The first semester itself required him to buy a camera. And not those cute, pretty, pink in color digital cameras but DSLR! She might have mentioned more. But the thought of having to get a DSLR is enough to make me drift away from our conversation! lol.

People tend to say that I think too much about the future.
Well, maybe i am...
They say this will distract me a lot too.
Well, yeah, it distracts me more than just a lot...
Only if I have the ability to foresee the future...
or maybe a copy of Unfogging the Future by Cassandra Vablatsky(lol)
I might save myself from all  these worries and silly thoughts
and focus on here and now...
life is so not suitable for a mind like mine...

Mich